Convocation

Finally, convocation is still around the corner. The day when I first went to register for my degree still seemed vivid in my mind. How I've dreaded the day when finally went for my first class. Along the way, there were bumps around here and there and suffice to say, I was able to complete the offerred degree. And now, it's time for convocation. How time really flies. I knw no matter how much I say this most of you would still call me weird, but, the workings of the universe still amazes me all the time. Being a fan of fantasy-genre novels, it comes as a no surprise that I'm attracted to these things. Sometimes it still got me thinking, how did I ever got to the point in my life in the first place. Sitting here writing this blog made me think - am I deserving of this life? Even though most of the ppl said I'm so fortunate in my life nw, but, what they see if just the outer shell and not the core. As they say, the opportunity to attend a convocation is just a once in a lifetime chance. Some even went the miles so that everything is perfect in their convocation. But what really annoys me now is that - why should we pay when we graduate. It just seems so ridiculous to me cause it's not like I did not pay for the courses that I took in the uni. So the question is - why do we have to pay for the certificate that some of us have studied so hard for?! Anyway, hopefully those that are graduating soon will have the moment in their life.

Space

Have u ever have the feeling that you wan some space all to yourself? Your own room, chair, table, cup, laptop and the list just goes on and on... Having the space which is yourself alone and you wouldn't have to share it with any1 nor do u have to compete with any1 as if everything is about competition..

Unfortunately there's no such thing as ur own space in reality. There's always something in ur way that hinders you to achive the things that you wan to fulfill. For me, I'm just a sinple person. I dun need to have every1 ard me and I'm capable of being alone on my own (except there are times when u can't help it and need some1 there to talk to..)

Just today my boss said to me - "Why dun you join any activities with us? U're not there for dinner and u're not there during happy hour." As it happens, the only thing that can come up with is spending time with my family. And even this is met with " Do u work on Saturdays and Sundays?" which left me speechless.

This really caught the interest in me to post a blog on this - are there any1 out there who feels that it's ur obligation to go for dinner with ur bosses and colleagues after work? Personally, I find it silly that after a day of hard work, the only thing that I want the most is to spend some quality time with my family regardless of working days or weekends.

Content with Life

I was going out for a car wash and suddenly it dawned on me that how many of us out there is actually content with their life? Or should say is there any out there who are content with their life at this point? Taking a car for example, when we were younger we hoped that we're older soon so that we can drive a car. When we're older then, we hoped that we got a job so that we can afford a car instead of driving that old wrecked. Then, when we finally got ourselves a job, we got ourselves a car. Yay! A car! How awesome is that right? Nostalgia might only last for a few months in this case cause sooner or later we will want something better than the one that we own now. But, the question here is - will this be taken as a sign of materialism as seen by others or as a challenge to improve oneself in life? Personally, I would say it's a little bit of both. Who wouldn't wan to look cool when driving around town? Honestly there's no point in denying it. So, who's content with their life???

The Price of Getting Older

So many days have passed and the wheels turned, looks like the business is back. Gone are the good old days, yet they dun feel much different to me. Oft times, people would say it to your face 'Dun worry son, you'll understand when u're older'. Even that does not ease your piece of mind when you're older nw. There's just more weight left on your shoulders.

When we were young, we wished we older. When we were studying, we wished we are working. Even the poor wished they are rich. There are so many wishes being wished in one day and sort of makes you wonder do they get fulfilled at all?? As the saying goes - you dun gt your wish without any effort. There's so many self- help books today so go pick one up!!

TINY in a BIG World

It seems so funny that sometimes we complained on something so petty when there's a bigger problem out there. But when you come to think of it, we are allowed to complain on things once in awhile and today is not an exception. It's funny that i could find a time to even write an entry here when there are tons of things waiting for me to complete them.

It's a hot afternoon and even though i'm under an air-conditioned roof, i still find myself annoyed at the smallest annoyance. It could be the weather is doing tricks to the mind what with the never ending hot weather and the pressure of getting everything done by the end of this week. Not forgetting the fact that there's always something to hinder you in progressing when you have finally found the interest in doing them.

Suffice to say, the title for this entry today does ring true. The stakes at hand seems so puny when we compared it to the misfortune around the globe.

A Fortnight Story

A fortnight has passed and once again, many things have happened. Managed to cover a few projects, FYP still undergoing, coping with all the dramas around me and picked up a few songs that's been isolated in my iTunes. Seems not bad for two weeks huh?

It strike me funny that whenever somebody mentioned about my blog, there's almost always comments about it but there was never comment left on the blog itself. Maybe that's because they're worried that they've become the main characters to the entries that i've written. Well, rest assured ppl. Even though i was not born with a kind heart, but, i wont go around trashing about other ppl using their real name.

I'll keep them anonymous. ;) Even saying this makes it funny cause how possible is it that no one knows what's going on when everything that i did or didn't do is broadcast-ed live?

Under The Moon

You know, people often said that whenever you have troubles that you can't figure out; take a stroll and breathe in fresh air. Surprisingly, it does help. Honestly, after having so much troubles and going through emotional hard times, i thought the time has final come where i do not have to worry about a thing at all. It is always, in my ignorance, that there's always an end to everything.

The most unfortunate thing that's happened is - i have to learned it the hard way. I do not know if this is a challenge set unto me by God (i'm not even those religious type) or these are just some challenging phase that a person has to go through - to be considered as the learning process. Who would have thought that trouble can come from petty matters. No wonder they say troubles come in different sizes.

Sitting under the moon not so long ago, i had to re-evaluate on the things that i have or have not done, the words that i have or have not said and the actions that i have or have not done. There's just one reasonable reason to it, it seems when you treat some body u 'think' it's right, it's always not. You thought that if you've tried hard enough to satisfy other people that they will come to appreciate you for who you are. That's not the case either.

Tell me, how many of you believe in Karma? Karma really is a bitch ain't it? For those of you that I've accidentally or not by accident hurt you at all, i'm sorry. Without any apparent reasons, i seem to be always caught up in arguments where it would seem petty to some people, but, to some it matters more.

Over the years, we have come to realize that if we treat other people as we are, giving advice should other people seek it from us and to be a listener when some1 needs somebody to listen to that that person in return would come to understand you. This my friend, is just a naive thinking.

The only person in the world who would treat us and accept you as you are is your family. The only person in the world who would give you advice should you seek it is your family. The only person in the world who would understand you MORE than any1 else is your Parents. This, is not a naive thought. It's a hard fact.

I'm surprised that it took me this long to figure this out. Who do we think we are to feel that we are able to give other people advice when we on our own can't even fix a problem when it hit us in the face? Who do we think we are to feel that we know more than any1 else? That we have reached the stage where we can see a person for what he/she really is?

Under the moon did i come to realize that, being friends we should just stay as friends. There shouldn't be a time where a friendship is biased. That you would only be friends with those that you think would succumb to whatever you think is right. That the friends you have have to listen to whatever you have got to say. That the friends around you have to be friends with those that you think is worthy to be seen together with you.

Under the moon did i come to realize that, no matter how hard you tried to be good to a person, they will never see it. Even if they do, that's just not what they feel at the moment. They only say that to comfort you. Who are we to know what the other feels? Even a heart surgeon can't tell. Having said that, it saddens me to see that after all these times, the people that we thought knew us the most and the person that we thought would know us best would come around to us and shove things up to our faces. Things which we would never have expected.

A Moment of Peace

After so many hectic weeks, finally, a moment of rest is achieved even though this moment should be considered as a 'sick leave'. As i have come to understand, it seems there's a lot of conspiracy going on around the university nowadays. The fact that the word conspiracy is normally associated with something bad just makes the uni that i'm studying in sounds 'wicked'.

If you're wondering why conspiracy, here's how it goes. As i'm sure most of you are aware of, there's always gossip mongers in each of every corner (that's right! U know u're one of them! so dun bother hide urself! Otherwise u wouldn't be reading this!). They are like rats skittering from holes to holes at the same time planting 'evil seeds' of theirs. Not to judge them as i for one is an 'avid-gossip-listener', so, it's not fair to say that most of the people that gossips are bad. Just selected ones.

Has any1 heard of the phrase - Never Judge A Book By Its Cover? I think the phrase really rings true in describing the society that we have nowadays. This does not just include the societies, even the government conspire against one another. Which is why, the fellow undergraduates have decided to fill in the shoes of these great 'achievers' and starts their own 'armies'.

Is that even necessary? Never in my 4 years in this university have i thought that frens would turn against each other and frens who aren't frens with u before are being close with you for no reason because u have something that they don't. Wouldn't u say this is a little pathetic? Only those who thought that the frens that you have made are really your friend is an IDIOT.

How would u know if a fren is really the one that would care about you? I've been stressing this issue with my roommate and now i'm going to stress it again. If you ever come across a fren that says he/she wont hold a grudge against you. THIS is the type of fren that you shud be ware of. Who in this world does not care a shit about what other ppl think about u?

No matter how petty that thing is, they will still rmbr it unless that person is GOD. Then, i will rest my case gladly. After all that's been going on, i think it's safe to say that it's better to have less friends than more friends. No saying that you shouldn't make friends, you should socialize every now and then but you dun have to necessary turn every1 that you've met into ur BFFs. That is the saddest thing you'll learn in the future.

p/s: My moment of peace is disrupted yet again. Sigh.

Language 'Blues'

Do you still remember the first day when you first had your foot into the university? Well, I do. The first day in this university, i kept asking myself - 'Where the heck am i? Is this the right place?' That question has got me lingered here for almost 4 years and am on the verge of graduating. What's more disappointing is that most of the lectures held in classes are done in bahasa.

Not speaking out of respect for the country and her mother tongue, but come on, isn't this the tertiary level education? I'm sure the uni does provides undergrads with language classes, so, enroll in the courses if you wan to polish your mother tongue. As depressing as it is, the lectures will be held with a twist of mixture of INGGERIS and MELAYU. Are you for real? What about the specific terms?

Over the years, i have come to rest my case in this issue because I'm aware that many out there does not have the privilege to be exposed to the English language most of the time. So, i just have to suck it up and live on with it. Until the fateful presentation of the previous day.

If you wan to copy paste all your info from the internet, it's fine by me. But, could you at least do it in discreet? You're not supposed to copy the whole phrase and paste it on your presentation slides. Might as well just save the damn page and present it. This has finally frustrates one of the lecturer and an announcement was made saying all the assignments and presentations in the future will be done in bahasa.

To add more depression to the depressed people. It's like you're putting an icing on top of a cake when there's a lot on it already. Some might consider this as whining, but, i still stand my ground. I think that tertiary institutes should be in English. What's the use of furthering when you're being stuck in one place in the first place?

Days That Left You Speechless

Which day in a week that leaves you speechless the most? Monday? Tuesday? Or is it Sunday? Monday seems the favorite pick by most though as the saying goes - Monday blues. If you answer Monday, check that one out cause i had a Monday blue too. But then it wasn't as bad as i thought. Instead, it's not Monday that left me speechless in particular. It's the everyday each week that's left me speechless.

Ever get the feeling that you feel so out of place and wants to get out from the place that you're at so badly? But at the end of the day you still find yourself stuck in the exact same spot that left you disorientated in the first place. Disorientated is one thing. But what about understanding? Do u feel like everyone understands you? What you want? What you feel?

I think it's safe to say that we're born in a cruel world where nobody cares what you think anymore. The only time that they thought of you is when they need something out of you and try to wiggle something out of you at the same time. If these 24 years haven given me anything, it has taught me that there are always reasons whenever someone helped you or treat you nicely. They don't say it out loud but there's always something in return expected.

Finally i have come to understand why someone would feel so much stress out of nothing. It's not because of the work that's being handled to you. Instead, it's the way that you made yourself to face it. That's the real threat eh?

Nothing When There's Many

Ever find urself doing nothing when in fact u have got loads of work waiting for you to complete on your shoulders? The work was supposed to be done days ago, and you kept telling yourself that you will finish it by today. At the end of the day, u find urself gazing at the home page of Facebook looking at statuses, comments and relationships. The common activities nowadays. God pls help me when you see this..

Reading, A Sport?

It has become a known fact that i am fascinated by novels. Especially the fantasy ones. The fact that you are able to relate yourself to the novels is the fun process of reading the book itself. What prompted me to start reading novels was a book given to me by my aunt during the early years of my secondary. The book was 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer' by Mark Twain. Somehow the book have got some authentic look to it as she got it from the book fair of her school.

Soon after, the novel reading frenzy began. I find myself lingering in the book store even though i do not have the intention to buy any of them and would spend a great deal of time along the aisle scanning through the summaries of each and every novels i got my hands on.

Way before Narnia series was adapted into a movie, i started reading the whole series. I actually came upon this while in KLCC KinoKuniya. Here, it's where the fantasy adventure began. I know most of my frens would call me a geek or a nerd (some of them already have!) but i tend to have the tendency of reading novels that are related to mythical creatures - DRAGONS.

Something about reading them just fascinates me. Well, not all novels that i read is about them in general but mostly i would look for novels about them that would eventually get my attention. Since then, reading has just became a habit of mine whenever i got nothing to do, before i go to bed and when i'm feeling utterly bored. What a sport!

p/s: For those of you who would like to have something interesting to read, I recommend 'The Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. The book is too damn great for you to put it down once you finished reading the first book. You'll find yourself wanting the following book. Trust me. :)

Atonement

Okay, why do i get the feeling that whenever i write an entry to my blog, it always have to do with something mellow? Melancholy anyone?? Maybe it's time for me to lay back on the dramas. Watching too much drama might affect ones emotion as well. In contrast, anyone never heard of atonement? The keira knightley movie (which in my opinion is a good movie. I just have a knack for those time-pieces which most of my frens would duped as boring.)?

For those of you who don't, well, rest assured. I've went the lengths to search for the meaning just to ease the confusion that you're having now (provided that you really have no idea what atonement means.). So, here goes:-

ATONEMENT

1. Atonement in Judaism is the process of causing a transgression to be forgiven or pardoned.
2. Atonement is a doctrine that describes how human beings can be reconciled to God.
3. In Christian theology the atonement refers to the forgiving or pardoning of sin through the death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion,^[2] which made possible the reconciliation between God and creation.
4. My very own deifnition - atonement is where somebody ask for forgiveness by those that they have sinned so that they are forgiven.

Sources: Wikipedia (God bless this site :))

So, are we on clear waters now? Anyhow, as you all know it's the CNY celebration now and it's really something that i shouldn't write over here since writing/talking on bad things/omens tends to bring bad luck throughout the whole year. But then, the urge to write this entry is stronger than the one that's stopping me.

What's stopping me you ask? Well, before i continue any further, I would like to ask: were you treated by others just because you're less fortunate / do you treat other people differently just because you're better than them? If you're the latter then shame on you. A child might be forgiven if they treat people around them this way since they are still ignorant to the world. But what if you're an adult and you've lived most of your life and you're reaching the big 5-0? Being born with a silver spoon in your mouth does not make the cut as well. In my opinion, everybody has their own right and place in this world regardless of their societal rank.

What do you do when you know that you've been ashamed or should i rephrase the world humiliate in front of other associates of yours intentionally? Would you feel sorry for yourself or would you laugh to yourself silently because unlike others, you will not place yourself lower than those that they've placed themselves? If you're thinking bout the latter, then bravo to you (purposely force yourself to choose the latter does not count you a better person). We might still be able to make a good person out of you.

What got me curious during this CNY celebration is that, while i wasn't born as some royalty nor was i born in some rich families, but, i would still consider myself lucky as i have REAL people close to me which i can consider as FAMILY though not all of them thinks this way. In conjunction with the title for this entry, do you treat the generation after the person that you hate or so you thought you hate cause someone had apparently instilled some ill-fated thoughts into your head?

Who in this world with good conscience would do that except those that already did? Can it be considered a child's fault that they have so 'malfunction'-a-human-being to call father and mother? Sometimes people can be so funny. A grudge you can hold but you don't have to direct that to every1 that's associated with the person that you hate. Isn't it a better place for every1 if you just forget about some things?

p/s: By the way, now that you're in this situation don't you think it's time for some atonement to do? This blog entry is intended to those who kept thinking that they are 0n some higher societal rank cause they got the riches. I'm proud to call myself as the -not-so rich-yet-not-that-poor-who-sees-the-bad-in-the-riches (cause honestly i dun see any good in you other than the calculative eyes of yours. Branded. Really? How many branded things can you have when you're dead?)

MizUnderstood.

Ever felt like getting blamed for something that's not your doing? Living in a double-storey house with 5 other housemates, it's hard to avoid misunderstanding. Let's have a scenario here. What if, whenever something gone wrong, you're the first to be blamed for being at one place at the wrong time? How does that make u feel huh?

A night that was intended to be a night out where a new novel is waiting at the bookstore to be bought (finally!) had turned out to be a night of vengeance. Or should i say - a case of misunderstanding. Do you have a friend who claimed that they have EQs higher than others?? Well, i have one. One that just stays across the hall from my room. I was told many times that he have got a high threshold of patience.

Remembering this, it got me wondered. Does kicking things around the house after being disturbed by a courier count as a sign of high patience? Does shouting for no reason when the internet line is lag an act of patience? The latest - does lashing at someone cause the intended person that you called did not answer your phone cause it was in mute mode consider you as a person of ample patience? I dun think so.

The real patience is for being to withstand a person singing around the house all the time when they think that it's annoying. Wait. We're not supposed to do that too. Why? Cause someone is a very sensitive person too. Does it not count as patience when some1 in the room have to stand up for the singing during shower time be it in the middle of the night? I think the neighbors have more patience than we give them credit to.

The funny thing is, whenever somebody did something wrong, they wont admit that they did. Instead, they feel that they are right all the time. I shud know cause i'm good at this. I used to be those that always think that i'm right when i know it's not. But then, it seems the wheel has turned this time around. I'm always blamed for whatever that's not my fault and it seems to be taking a habit. What's worse, most of the people thought that a simple sorry will do it. Maybe they shud try how it felt when the scenario actually strikes them.

p/s: People, pls use your brain to think before you speak instead of using your ass. If you are as clever as you claimed to be, then, you shud understand this. A simple sorry will never do it. Once the harm's done, it's done.

Do's and Don't

Do's and don't has most probably been copy righted by many people but a thought suddenly strike me - should we let other people decide what we wan or dun wan to do? Up until now, i felt that I've been living my whole life based on what people expect of me and what i should and shouldn't do. As always, there are always example to situation like this. Just yesterday, I attended Production Planning and Control class and since most of the undergraduates in the country do not practice the habit of reading the materials before the class, so, it's all a case of blurry state when we were given a question to try for the first time. Well, since this class is all about calculations and I'm not that good in maths so i was scratching my head trying to solve it. But then, in the midst of discussing it with my classmates, 4 out of 42 nailed the question and 2 out of the 4 almost had the right answer while the remaining two were fighting for the top spot. Unfortunately for me, i did not hear the part where there'll be free 'Teh Tarik' for those who could solve the quest. So, it strikes me as un-challenging. (I would've settled for a Coffee Bean / Starbucks though. But who am i kidding right?) Two of the students were both my housemates and for no reason, they can be defined as the type who likes to outshine the others (in this world who doesn't?). So, what happened was when the time comes for the lecturer to see who has managed to do the question - one of the them gave their answers for inspection. To his dismay, he almost got it right but there was some technical error and so NO his answer is not the right one. Since he's the only one in the class that stood up with answers, so, of course with the course of nature evry1 would come to you and ask for help. Here, it's not the case. Apparently my friend was annoyed cause since his answer was not the correct one and got more angry when 'the winner' grab his answer sheet away. So much for attention seeker huh? One tip that i've learned since the beginning is to stay low even though you think you are good. It's always a loose-loose situation when you are trying to grab all the attention whenever you can.

Friend-SHIP

As you have seen from the title above, I've some how decided to write the word friendship apart as a two words. How many of you out there and actually tell from the bottom of your heart that the 'friendship' that you have with your peers are actually out of sincerity? Honestly, the world has become a place where people often wear a mask when they are out in the society and it has become hard for everyone to decide if their actions or feelings to you is true or just some act.

A few weeks ago, I happened to chat with primary friends via the messenger and he's confided in me that he's not feeling well. So, out of curiosity i asked: 'What happened?'. He went on to tell me that his best friend (which USED to be mine as well) has been given him the silent card for a few years now. At that moment, I take it that he's joking cause how can you stand staying with a person when they have refused to talk to you for three years? What's worse, the friend even went on to pretend that he wasn't there when he tried to confront him. Hmm. Not bad a friend right?

We had a little chat last night, reminiscing bout the times that we've spent during our primary (as i was helping my cousin sis with her boring virtual class), I took the liberty of asking about the condition between the two of them. Not to my surprise they are indeed no more best-buds. I told him wouldn't it be such a waste for an almost 10 years friendship to end on bad terms? That, was the thought that i had last night.

Today, I dun feel that way at all. What do we really know about friendship? Can you consider someone who has been talking bad about you behind your back as a friend? Or would you consider someone who's always ignored you whenever you bugged him bout something that you know he doesn't like a friend? Or someone who should've understand you better than anyone else (since that's what they claimed all the time. Normally they would say - i know what you wanted to do by the look on your face.) but instead went on to say something that they should've known better would come back to the one that they are dissing on?

Really, all this friendship thing really confuses me. How often do you meet a friend that is really sincere to you and treasure you as a friend? Sincere doesn't mean that a friend will cook you dinner every night. Although they have somehow shown you a better side of them of how good they've treated you but wants something in return. Does this make them a sincere friend? A best friend forever? To be honest to my heart and my soul, I hereby declare that i'm not a good friend.

If you thought just because you've shown me some kindness and expects me to treat you the way that you've treated me, then, i'm so sorry cause i was never comfortable that way. This is the reason why i have always tried to distance myself from other people. Oblivion to the world seemed like a good place for me.

Bigger Picture

A sudden thought suddenly occurred to me - does wearing a spectacle with bigger frames makes you see a bigger picture while a smaller one don't? Most of you might not be able to grasp what i'm trying to say here, well, i don't actually knows what i'm going at as well. But, just when i put on my old glasses i had this sudden thought that maybe a person's personality is like when you're changing your glasses.

As we can see around us, there are different types of glasses to be found on the streets and they all come in different shapes. We have oval, round, square, rectangle and we even some glasses which we normally will be those olden days english women wear on TV and let's not forget a peacock feathered glasses. See? There are so many glasses to choose from and i'm just started with the shapes alone. Let's not forget the sizes that it comes with - small, medium, large you name it and it shall be yours.

In fact, the world has been so keen on making the world a better place for every living being they have decided to include more sustainable materials in making glasses which of course costs more than the normal plastic ones (what do you expect? Sustainability don't come in cheap packages you know.) Now, we have titanium glasses which used to be the IT glasses. I'm not sure if it still is cause i have one and it's a courtesy from my uni friends in conjunction with my birthday. Since someone like me can own a titanium, i'm guessing it must be really dropping off the charts then.

This blog is actually not meant to be about glasses, i just liked to say that sometimes no matter what glasses you're wearing, it doesn't mean that you have to look at everything within the frames of your glasses. Maybe it's time to look outside the box (as they say - to be creative you need to think outside the box) just so you can have a look at the bigger picture.

2011

Finally! The long awaited new year has finally arrived. I'm sure every1 in the world is busy looking for ways to fulfill their resolutions. Strange enough, I dun find myself as having any new year resolutions this year. It occurs to me that i might be I dun have enough time in my mind to come up with a few or maybe it's just me plain lazy to have a few. Anyhow, for those of you who does, make sure you see to fulfilling yours and dun have a few up for naught! Happy new year!