X'mas Eve (Minus the Lavish Dinner and Turkey)

Funny enough, even though the final year project is to be completed by next week, but, all i had managed to do was wasting my time on searching for songs, reading my never-ending novels and watching Brothers & Sisters. Tell me, who can resist the urge of not watching that series??? It's just too darn good to give it up.

I remembered when i first arrived to Mlc a few days ago, i told myself to commit a 100% on the FYP but as it turns out i feel uninspired to even start touching it more than ever. The fact that my supervisor has gone out station for a week and the pressure that was loaded on my shoulders with the revelation that i might not be able to finish the thing in time does not help at all. Not forgetting what would the panel say should i be lucky enough to come out with a prototype.

As usual, having nothing to do or should i say 'dun know how to start' i went to get myself a good afternoon nap thanks to the anxiety that's been bugging me these few nights which has left me with not-so-good-night sleep, i found myself waking up now and then to check the time. Sounds like a not-so-good sleeping habits? Why do i get the feeling that i wont be sleeping right every night and feeling nervous all the time before the final semester to my varsity years even starts?

p/s: Merry X'mas (i'll be sulking in my room fretting over what to do with my FYP...)

Anxiety Attack

What started out as a homesick plan turns out to be a real disaster in disguise. Whoever thought that finally getting a chance to really stay at home will turn out to be the worst nightmare that you can ever imagine. The feeling of not getting something done is bad. But the thought of not able to getting something finished in time is haunting and it most certainly makes you feel anxious.

Anxiety attack. One of the obnoxious way to express that you're nervous about something. It's not obnoxious to some people but it does to me. Makes the breathing hard and it makes it hard for you to sleep. Just when you thought you finally got the chance to rest and here comes the whirlwind that's going to sweep your feet right off the ground. Can't say i see that one coming.

I've come to realize that i've been using the phrase 'Didn't/Can't see that one coming' quite a lot. It really seems like a useful phrase to use when you're trying to hide the fact that you weren't prepared for a situation but it's happened to you anyway. Didn't see that coming. I actually likes the sound of it. Happy holidays to those celebrating X'mas. No reason to not celebrate even though you're stuck with work.

Sense of Awakening

Have you ever had the feeling of awakening before? Awakening as in you were momentarily blinded by your emotions and feelings and had somehow ignored the reality of how thing works. Some people have it the bad way and some have it the rude way. It's just a matter of how you got 'awakened'.

Just this afternoon, i got the news that most couple had their relationship on the brink of the edge cause the other sex complains too much. So far how true is this? For all i know, when one person complain too much it tends to bring out the not-so-good side of oneself towards the other person and it sort of reflects the real you to everybody.

When i had explained on what i thought would be the main problem of the crisis to my cousin sis, then only did she realize that was exactly what she had done and it kinda serves as an awakening to her as she did not realized that what she's been doing, what she thought would be appropriate to do between couples is actually what turns the other sex off. Complaining too much just turns somebody off and it is normally served in fast food services.

I actually thought of writing this blog this afternoon when i was watching my new found kitten playing on its own. Dun know why and dun know how but the title just suddenly pops into my mind and leads me to write this. Sense of Awakening. I actually like the sound of that :)

Free Time

Ever since completing the finals last week, the load that have been sticking around on my shoulders seemed to have parted ways with me. It's a good thing or a bad things? Pros and cons anyone? The good being that relaxation can finally come as naturally as it can be. No more waking up in the wee hours to overload my brain drive and no more rushing for the next subjects.

The bad? When you have got so much free time, laziness seems to get the better of you. Often than not, when a person is too free the tasks at hand almost always will not be done as they had anticipated. A presentation was to be finished and edited last night and am supposed to rehearsed for it now. Instead, blogging and hopping around the net got in the way.

Every year, new resolutions were made where vows to never start anything at last minute and promises to improve from the last seems to dissolve into thin air when the semester actually starts and that's when the reality kicks in. I have come to realize that almost every entry of mine have been on the bad side and there seems to be no more good side of it to write.

Just this morning, while i was still in my bed my friend messaged me saying one of the classmates got it bad with the panels for his presentation and that all his gimmicks and tricks that he's famous for in his presentation seems to have backfired. Now, what an encouraging news before your very own presentation huh? Anywho, hope those that are presenting today will do good and all the best!

Last Minutes

Waking up this morning to think that it might be a better day than yesterday. Guess that i'm all wrong again. It seems that fate hasn't turn out good for me yet. Since the beginning of this month, it's been nothing but bad bad for me. It's like a giant bad-voodoo meteorite has sudden hit on earth and i'm it's target. I guess i'm reading too many novels that help sparks my over-the-top imagination.

Ever got the moment where you have to rush all your assignments and projects at the last minutes and end up succumbing to nothing? Have you ever given a thought that wouldn't it be better if you'd have done it since the beginning instead of waiting till the deadline to do it? I guess it's a habit that most find difficult to break. It comes as no surprise though. When you got too much time till the deadline, you always tell yourself that it's impossible not to finish it in time. One lesson that i have learned this semester - never leave anything behind unless you are confident you can do it.

But what if you didn't want to leave it till the last minute, instead, you've got no choice but to wait till the end cause some idiot along the way came and took everything from you and left you nothing but an open wound? Now, that's a new thought. The most unfortunate thing that can really happen to a person's life is to find that you have actually achieved something only to find you have done nothing cause everything that you have done was taken from you.

And the best part of it is that you didn't even know that it had happened until you actually found out about it. What's more, there's nothing you can do about it cause some1 said that they'll take care of it. But, how far can you trust that person's words? Don't ever tell me that you've seen the worst part of life. Don't ever mention how sad your life is to other people. It'll just cast a shadow on yourself. You haven heard the story of other people's life. It'll make you eat your own words and make you feel so puny that you'll regret the moment you let those words out.

Abyss of The Heart

Everyone have their moments where they fret, feel sad, got their hearts broken, get a reason for celebrations and depressed out of nothing. Just the other day i had a friend who wrote his feelings out on his blog. He went on to publish the link of that post on his social network. Although i still couldn't figure out why he did this but i'm guessing maybe he felt that some one out there should understand what it is that he's feeling.

Unfortunately for him, an act that looked so naive and harmless have turned out into a gossips among friends. Some of those readers have labeled this act as stupidity. The most irony thing in it is that names were mentioned in that post. And that my friend has made what every1 thought as the dumbest thing that any person can do. I guess the first rule when you're trying to go public, names should not be mentioned unless you have the consent by the party which you are referring to?

It always amazes me that some people can just let out how they feel to the world so easily without having a care on what that would give to them. Interactions have come to me as a way to express one's feeling to other people. Unfortunately, in my case, expressing my feelings to others seemed hard. Be it to my family or to my friend. I dun feel obligated to comfort a person when they are not feeling well. A simple act of asking if everything is ok would have taken a lot out of me.

Having said that, it's obviously i dun normally share what i feel easily. Unless i feel that it is necessary for me to explain it to you, then, i would jus twist and turn without telling you a thing. Earlier this month, I was supposed to feel good for once in my life since it's a good reason for me to celebrate. But, for no reason it has turned out as the choices that i regretted most of all. Then, i was accused as not expressing how i felt.

Hopefully every1 knows that showing my feelings is not an easy matter and that unlike most people, showing my feelings easily whenever something happens always makes me sad cause often than not, something bad happens. Writing this blog had those bad memories flooding back to my mind all over again. If only life isnt always this hard on me. Compared to the world, i feel so small..

Random

Ive ran out of idea of figuring out the best and appropriate title for each entry. The sudden thought of just naming each of them random came to my mind. Just came back from class and am now sitting in front of a table in the library writing an entry to my blog with my fren's laptop. 

Last few weeks have been the most craziest weeks for me. Rushing my final year projects together with the endless assignments to boot. Phew! To top it off, there's an occasionally suddenly-out-of-the-blue test for u. I think the lecturers are trying to create this help-u-ease-ur-stress ambiance. Unfortunately for them, they dun! Working around the hour and burning the midnight oil. SUCKS. 

Yesterday i jus got the news from my sis that my dog is having her first period which leads to her being called bitchy by my dad. Blood stain all around the house? No wonder she's being locked away on the porch every morning. Just hopes that she wont be making much noise. Neighborhood around my house is not friendly. Thanks to those aunties that have too much free time to loiter outside their house and dissed on other ppl's dirt. 

I've got a test in 5 hours and all i can think of now is all the presentations that are needed to be completed by this week. Especially the presentation for this particular sub - Business Plan. I'm a manufacturing engineering undergrad and we've made compulsory to sit for a sub called Entrepreneurs. All my life i've never given a thought about me being a business person. Business and me are like oil and water. We dun mix around with each other well.

Constructive and Destructive

Over the years since we started to have education, be it primary, secondary or tertiary, we have been taught to have constructive thinking than destructive thinking. What is constructive? although i dun know it that much in-depth, but, at least i know that whenever we do something, we have to be at least a lil' optimistic doing it. Tell me, will anything ever accomplished if all u ever do is thinking on the bad side rather than the good one? Complaining is okay. But, u dun have to keep on taking what other ppl's thoughts down. Imagine u have said something and the person kept on giving bad comments on what you've said. Irritating right? Undergraduates. Undergraduates have been given lectures and courses on how to have constructive thinking all the time. Even we learn that in Tech Com in first year. But, from what i've known over the years of our country's undergraduates, they tend to be destructive more than constructive. U're doing a project and your project team jus kept on providing you with those pessimistic thoughts. How the hell are you supposed to finish that damn project when at the beginning the spirit of the team have already been brought down by your own members?! One more thing is - ppl are not appreciative of what you've done for them. Jus because you start to own things that ppl dun have doesnt mean that you have the upper hand on other ppl. All you own are gadgets. Gadgets. Really? You're going to compete with other ppl jus cause you've got bloody gadgets? You dun have the brains and you're going to use gadgets? Dun even make me laugh on that! Did u even notice that you were pitied when you're in your lowest point in your life, but you're being cast out now that you thought you're on top. Thought you're hanging out with a bunch of high standards ppl dun ya? Think again fool! You're just going to make urself embarrass in front of every1 else. Dun even make me judge you with the higher standard of myself. I'm jus trying to stay ON PAR with you at the moment.

Making a Fool out of myself

All right, I think making a fool out of myself has officially become a habit of mine. Jus take a look at the profile pic of my facebook. I can't stop laughing ever since. I always knew i looked bad, but, i din know it was this bad. This is the reason why i dun really enjoy looking at my own pictures unless they are really good. Take a look (Promise to have a good laugh after that :):-

Special thanks to Miss Cindy Low for uploading this onto the facebook and tagged my name onto it... It would've been an anonymous picture if u din tag me u know :(

Stupidity? Dumb? Geek?

I've come to realize that I've been writing depressed posts lately and the one that i'm writing now is nowhere any better. It feels like this depression thing have decided to linger on for a while. Now i know how it felt when one is feeling depressed. At least from my point of view, u get depressed on everything. U get depressed when u're at home. U get depressed when u online and u get depressed even when u're reading (this has never happened to me..). Being an avid reader myself, the feeling of connecting to the stories being read used to help distract my mind from the troubles at hand momentarily. At least they used to. U can say that it's kinda like a way for me to getaway from this world for awhile. And this is the reason why i read all the time. I used to get made fun of my reading habits and the types of books i read. The one thing that I'm most interested in is fantasy novels. I dun know why but i have this thing for mythical creatures and it is considered as lame to read this kinda novels. There's so many labels that i've been labeled to that i've lost count of them. The most often ones are geek, lame, joke, dumb. But most ppl dun often realize that by being these labels, u dun actually worry so much about the troubles that u have. Ppl always thought that by being serious they'll be looked upon as macho and even pretty. Give me a break. It's like u're putting on a mask and the mask dun even suits ur real personality. I can be serious if i want to, but, i chose not too. Who doesn't want to be smart when u know u're smart and not that dumb as they said u are? I'm going to readily admit that I was once naive enough to ask my friend where do babies come from. But, this is not considered dumb as i didn't exactly asked it this way. What i actually meant was where to babies (for muslims. No offense) come from when the religion forbids sex as publicly as they do. I asked this when i was being too ignorant on the world to know anything. And ever since, it's been the joke that I'm the dumbest person in the world for asking such questions. The thing is, sometimes ppl chose to interpret on things that they thought would be more fun to teased at then things that is more sensitive and more serious. Naturally this is what we all do isn't it? Sometimes we have the moment where u said something and ppl thought u're either crazy or u're the dumbest person to say that. Who in the world with their right mind would want to be perceived as stupid? There are times when i was engaged in a conversation, my friend would look at me and gives me the ' I can't believe u asked that.' look. They even accused me of bringing out the sarcasm out of them. I dun blame them for it actually cause in their point of view, it does look like the most dumbest thing that i've just asked. But, in my point of view, the things that they've said can be readily perceived as pure stupidity by me (no offense here, just trying to make a point). This is just one of those mis-communications that most ppl have and i have to admit that sometimes i have the tendency to not express the things i wanted to say correctly which leads ppl to think that what is said is completely - S.T.U.P.I.D. Honestly, i rather enjoy it cause it gives me the pleasure in making a joke out of me for nothing and have a laugh about it. As they say - even a minute counts.

Low Point?

Life sucks. At least mine does. Everything's broken and no matter how many times i tried to save up some money to fix them, something always come up and in the end - down goes the money to the drains. Lately i got the feeling that while every1 around me is getting everything that they wanted (at least they still get part of what they wanted), i'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere getting nothing. Everyday i have to wake up telling myself to be patient. That there might be something good that'll happen to me during the day. Everyday the same ol' mask that i wear to my advantage every single time. Not bad huh? I was told that i'm good at handling bad situations by being optimistic. The truth? I'm not. It's just the face that i wear whenever something bad's happened. How can i not put on an optimistic face all the time? I'll be halfway close to killing myself if i dun. Even feeling sad and moody is a guilt in my life. And guilt seems to have found a good friend in me

Facebook

Facebook. Mention the word facebook and who doesn't knows what's a facebook these days? (except for my parents.They are ignorant on these things.) Before facebook, we have the friendster. Now, facebook has come to dominate the world with all its interesting applications and games (which i ignored most of the time, so, dun bother sending those to me). Apparently, the facebook is so great that we can even use it to search for friends which we thought have gone far away from this planet, though, i've nvr tried that out since i dun have much friends (all thanks to me being nerdy the whole time). Even my supervisors in Samsung Corning have facebook account, so, of course I myself has an account for it. I was first introduced to facebook by my friends, Nic and Fauz where i was reluctant to join at first. It was really confusing when i started using the facebook as we need to allow applications to be used in this social tool and writing on other ppl's wall as well as poking them. Poking? Seriously? I can nvr get over that. It's like we're able to feel the poking when some1 poked us. All these took a new turn when the applications like games are introduced into this social network, petsociety. I was told of this game by my friend Nic and Fauz eventually and as usual, I was not really keen on playing it. Then, for no reason, i started to get hooked on it when i was having my semester break during the last year and would play it whenever i'm on facebook. Now, i can officially say that i've completely abandoned the pet that i have over there. Apart from the pet society, there's new games out in town now and they are the barn buddy and the hotel city. It's really astounding as u actually have ppl waking up in the wee hours in the morning just to check up on the status of the games. Well, it looks like sleep is no longer important in our lives anymore. Then, came the revelation of my fren where he said he can't sleep without turning off his laptop. The reason being that he have to wake up in the night jus to check on his facebook profile. I wonder if they have any rehab for those that are addicted to facebook to the extreme level?

Clash of the Titans

Alright, i have to make one thing clear here - why is the Clash of the Titans 2010 not nice?? I've been asking every1 who've watched the movie and all the answers that i got is it's not worth the money to watch it, the storyline sucks, the 3D's bad, the whole thing's bad.. But, from what i saw in the reviews, the movie has made it to the top of the box office and from my own point of view (since i watched it last night, finally, thank you.) the movie is not bad. Although i managed to not able to focus at the beginning of the movie (thanks to Mr. Man Kit who kept on comparing the characters of the movie to DOTA throughout the whole movie), but, i still managed to catch up on it. You know, while watching the movie, i was kept wondering that whether those of you who've watched the movie saw the first one since this is the remake of the old one. Well, if you've watched the first one then you wouldn't get confused with this remake of Clash of Titans. For one, i did watched the old COTT. I still have the vague memory of watching the movie with VCR. The movie was made in 1981 and i was born in 1987. I know it's kinda far-fetched, but, i like movies that are in the fantasy genre. So, it does not come as a surprise if i watch this movie when i still young at age :) Anyhow, i'm just trying to say that for those nay-sayers that said this movie is bad - you should've watched the first part first before going to watch this one.. Then, you'll know :)

The first COTT (1981):


The remake of COTT (2010):

Kelly Clarkson All I Ever Wanted Live in Malaysia 25 Apr 2010

Last night was the best night of the year! KC had her first concert here in M'sia and i was lucky enough to rock with her!!! One word for her performance - AMAZING!!! She was practically singing non-stop for one half hours and still managed to belt out all the high notes. Who would have thought that the first concert i ever went was Kelly Clarkson! All in all the concert was great and i really had a great time listening to her singing all her hits as well as covers of some great songs. Well, i din know it was her bday the day before the concert, so, happy belated birthday kelly!!!! The opening act for the concert is not bad as well - our very own idol, Jaclyn Victor and the million star, Suki. Both great singers in their own rights. All this wouldnt have happened without the help of my dearest friend, Nic!!!! Nic, have i told u i love u so much????!!!!! HAHAHA!! Thanks a lot!!!!

The Most Boring of The Days

I could not rmbr when was the last time i visited this site. Few months ago maybe? The first time back here and i have to start my entry on the topic - BORING. If only my life isn't that boring. We complained boring when we've got nothing to do. We complained when we've got too much to do and we certainly will complain we're given things that we dun like to do. Hmm.... I wonder.. Would the world be better off if we dun do anything? If my supervisor back in SCM sees this entry (which i doubt he will...), he'll definitely says to my face that we're just wasting our time if we dun do anything. I got to say during my whole course of training in SCM, i've certainly learned things that i wont ever forgets in my life - patience. But really, will patience account for anything when you're feeling bored all over your head? It wont! Stuck here in a place where it's famous for its hot weather and its boredomness (for me at least).... I cant seem to find anything to do. What's worst? I have a rental house over here and i din even have the courage to go back. Why? The place is too darn dirty and messy that it reminds me of a garbage whenever i'm there... Lord pls have mercy upon this soul!

2010 - New Year

People always said that things will get better with the new year here. Today is dated as 9-Jan-10 and things certainly dun get better as they should. What's more depressing is i actually spent my new year's eve in my house reading a bloody novel! What a great year to start huh? To add more depressing flavor to the juice, i have to work the next day after new year and have to cancel the plans which i've made with my frens to PD. Now i only got one thing to say - Way to go Samsung.

Internship in Samsung started back in 30th Nov last year. Everything was going smoothly though the environment in the department which i was placed in is certainly not what i've expected, then, things started to get out of place. First, the process that took place is extremely dangerous and you almost will not find yourself without bruises if you din pay attention. Some might say Samsung is a big company and how dangerous can that be right? Well, just so you know the equipments used are at least more than 70 degrees and it leads up to 1000 and more.. So, if you're going to tell me that everything is simple in front of me i suggest u dun say anything at all.