Stupidity? Dumb? Geek?

I've come to realize that I've been writing depressed posts lately and the one that i'm writing now is nowhere any better. It feels like this depression thing have decided to linger on for a while. Now i know how it felt when one is feeling depressed. At least from my point of view, u get depressed on everything. U get depressed when u're at home. U get depressed when u online and u get depressed even when u're reading (this has never happened to me..). Being an avid reader myself, the feeling of connecting to the stories being read used to help distract my mind from the troubles at hand momentarily. At least they used to. U can say that it's kinda like a way for me to getaway from this world for awhile. And this is the reason why i read all the time. I used to get made fun of my reading habits and the types of books i read. The one thing that I'm most interested in is fantasy novels. I dun know why but i have this thing for mythical creatures and it is considered as lame to read this kinda novels. There's so many labels that i've been labeled to that i've lost count of them. The most often ones are geek, lame, joke, dumb. But most ppl dun often realize that by being these labels, u dun actually worry so much about the troubles that u have. Ppl always thought that by being serious they'll be looked upon as macho and even pretty. Give me a break. It's like u're putting on a mask and the mask dun even suits ur real personality. I can be serious if i want to, but, i chose not too. Who doesn't want to be smart when u know u're smart and not that dumb as they said u are? I'm going to readily admit that I was once naive enough to ask my friend where do babies come from. But, this is not considered dumb as i didn't exactly asked it this way. What i actually meant was where to babies (for muslims. No offense) come from when the religion forbids sex as publicly as they do. I asked this when i was being too ignorant on the world to know anything. And ever since, it's been the joke that I'm the dumbest person in the world for asking such questions. The thing is, sometimes ppl chose to interpret on things that they thought would be more fun to teased at then things that is more sensitive and more serious. Naturally this is what we all do isn't it? Sometimes we have the moment where u said something and ppl thought u're either crazy or u're the dumbest person to say that. Who in the world with their right mind would want to be perceived as stupid? There are times when i was engaged in a conversation, my friend would look at me and gives me the ' I can't believe u asked that.' look. They even accused me of bringing out the sarcasm out of them. I dun blame them for it actually cause in their point of view, it does look like the most dumbest thing that i've just asked. But, in my point of view, the things that they've said can be readily perceived as pure stupidity by me (no offense here, just trying to make a point). This is just one of those mis-communications that most ppl have and i have to admit that sometimes i have the tendency to not express the things i wanted to say correctly which leads ppl to think that what is said is completely - S.T.U.P.I.D. Honestly, i rather enjoy it cause it gives me the pleasure in making a joke out of me for nothing and have a laugh about it. As they say - even a minute counts.

Low Point?

Life sucks. At least mine does. Everything's broken and no matter how many times i tried to save up some money to fix them, something always come up and in the end - down goes the money to the drains. Lately i got the feeling that while every1 around me is getting everything that they wanted (at least they still get part of what they wanted), i'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere getting nothing. Everyday i have to wake up telling myself to be patient. That there might be something good that'll happen to me during the day. Everyday the same ol' mask that i wear to my advantage every single time. Not bad huh? I was told that i'm good at handling bad situations by being optimistic. The truth? I'm not. It's just the face that i wear whenever something bad's happened. How can i not put on an optimistic face all the time? I'll be halfway close to killing myself if i dun. Even feeling sad and moody is a guilt in my life. And guilt seems to have found a good friend in me