Ding Jun

2011-12-25T19:41:00.000-08:00

Convocation

2011-10-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

Finally, convocation is still around the corner. The day when I first went to register for my degree still seemed vivid in my mind. How I've dreaded the day when finally went for my first class. Along the way, there were bumps around here and there and suffice to say, I was able to complete the offerred degree. And now, it's time for convocation. How time really flies. I knw no matter how much I say this most of you would still call me weird, but, the workings of the universe still amazes me all the time. Being a fan of fantasy-genre novels, it comes as a no surprise that I'm attracted to these things. Sometimes it still got me thinking, how did I ever got to the point in my life in the first place. Sitting here writing this blog made me think - am I deserving of this life? Even though most of the ppl said I'm so fortunate in my life nw, but, what they see if just the outer shell and not the core. As they say, the opportunity to attend a convocation is just a once in a lifetime chance. Some even went the miles so that everything is perfect in their convocation. But what really annoys me now is that - why should we pay when we graduate. It just seems so ridiculous to me cause it's not like I did not pay for the courses that I took in the uni. So the question is - why do we have to pay for the certificate that some of us have studied so hard for?! Anyway, hopefully those that are graduating soon will have the moment in their life.

Space

2011-09-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Have u ever have the feeling that you wan some space all to yourself? Your own room, chair, table, cup, laptop and the list just goes on and on... Having the space which is yourself alone and you wouldn't have to share it with any1 nor do u have to compete with any1 as if everything is about competition..

Unfortunately there's no such thing as ur own space in reality. There's always something in ur way that hinders you to achive the things that you wan to fulfill. For me, I'm just a sinple person. I dun need to have every1 ard me and I'm capable of being alone on my own (except there are times when u can't help it and need some1 there to talk to..)

Just today my boss said to me - "Why dun you join any activities with us? U're not there for dinner and u're not there during happy hour." As it happens, the only thing that can come up with is spending time with my family. And even this is met with " Do u work on Saturdays and Sundays?" which left me speechless.

This really caught the interest in me to post a blog on this - are there any1 out there who feels that it's ur obligation to go for dinner with ur bosses and colleagues after work? Personally, I find it silly that after a day of hard work, the only thing that I want the most is to spend some quality time with my family regardless of working days or weekends.

Content with Life

2011-09-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

I was going out for a car wash and suddenly it dawned on me that how many of us out there is actually content with their life? Or should say is there any out there who are content with their life at this point? Taking a car for example, when we were younger we hoped that we're older soon so that we can drive a car. When we're older then, we hoped that we got a job so that we can afford a car instead of driving that old wrecked. Then, when we finally got ourselves a job, we got ourselves a car. Yay! A car! How awesome is that right? Nostalgia might only last for a few months in this case cause sooner or later we will want something better than the one that we own now. But, the question here is - will this be taken as a sign of materialism as seen by others or as a challenge to improve oneself in life? Personally, I would say it's a little bit of both. Who wouldn't wan to look cool when driving around town? Honestly there's no point in denying it. So, who's content with their life???

The Price of Getting Older

2011-09-21T02:28:00.000-07:00

So many days have passed and the wheels turned, looks like the business is back. Gone are the good old days, yet they dun feel much different to me. Oft times, people would say it to your face 'Dun worry son, you'll understand when u're older'. Even that does not ease your piece of mind when you're older nw. There's just more weight left on your shoulders.

When we were young, we wished we older. When we were studying, we wished we are working. Even the poor wished they are rich. There are so many wishes being wished in one day and sort of makes you wonder do they get fulfilled at all?? As the saying goes - you dun gt your wish without any effort. There's so many self- help books today so go pick one up!!

TINY in a BIG World

2011-04-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

It seems so funny that sometimes we complained on something so petty when there's a bigger problem out there. But when you come to think of it, we are allowed to complain on things once in awhile and today is not an exception. It's funny that i could find a time to even write an entry here when there are tons of things waiting for me to complete them.

It's a hot afternoon and even though i'm under an air-conditioned roof, i still find myself annoyed at the smallest annoyance. It could be the weather is doing tricks to the mind what with the never ending hot weather and the pressure of getting everything done by the end of this week. Not forgetting the fact that there's always something to hinder you in progressing when you have finally found the interest in doing them.

Suffice to say, the title for this entry today does ring true. The stakes at hand seems so puny when we compared it to the misfortune around the globe.

A Fortnight Story

2011-03-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

A fortnight has passed and once again, many things have happened. Managed to cover a few projects, FYP still undergoing, coping with all the dramas around me and picked up a few songs that's been isolated in my iTunes. Seems not bad for two weeks huh?

It strike me funny that whenever somebody mentioned about my blog, there's almost always comments about it but there was never comment left on the blog itself. Maybe that's because they're worried that they've become the main characters to the entries that i've written. Well, rest assured ppl. Even though i was not born with a kind heart, but, i wont go around trashing about other ppl using their real name.

I'll keep them anonymous. ;) Even saying this makes it funny cause how possible is it that no one knows what's going on when everything that i did or didn't do is broadcast-ed live?

Under The Moon

2011-03-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

You know, people often said that whenever you have troubles that you can't figure out; take a stroll and breathe in fresh air. Surprisingly, it does help. Honestly, after having so much troubles and going through emotional hard times, i thought the time has final come where i do not have to worry about a thing at all. It is always, in my ignorance, that there's always an end to everything.

The most unfortunate thing that's happened is - i have to learned it the hard way. I do not know if this is a challenge set unto me by God (i'm not even those religious type) or these are just some challenging phase that a person has to go through - to be considered as the learning process. Who would have thought that trouble can come from petty matters. No wonder they say troubles come in different sizes.

Sitting under the moon not so long ago, i had to re-evaluate on the things that i have or have not done, the words that i have or have not said and the actions that i have or have not done. There's just one reasonable reason to it, it seems when you treat some body u 'think' it's right, it's always not. You thought that if you've tried hard enough to satisfy other people that they will come to appreciate you for who you are. That's not the case either.

Tell me, how many of you believe in Karma? Karma really is a bitch ain't it? For those of you that I've accidentally or not by accident hurt you at all, i'm sorry. Without any apparent reasons, i seem to be always caught up in arguments where it would seem petty to some people, but, to some it matters more.

Over the years, we have come to realize that if we treat other people as we are, giving advice should other people seek it from us and to be a listener when some1 needs somebody to listen to that that person in return would come to understand you. This my friend, is just a naive thinking.

The only person in the world who would treat us and accept you as you are is your family. The only person in the world who would give you advice should you seek it is your family. The only person in the world who would understand you MORE than any1 else is your Parents. This, is not a naive thought. It's a hard fact.

I'm surprised that it took me this long to figure this out. Who do we think we are to feel that we are able to give other people advice when we on our own can't even fix a problem when it hit us in the face? Who do we think we are to feel that we know more than any1 else? That we have reached the stage where we can see a person for what he/she really is?

Under the moon did i come to realize that, being friends we should just stay as friends. There shouldn't be a time where a friendship is biased. That you would only be friends with those that you think would succumb to whatever you think is right. That the friends you have have to listen to whatever you have got to say. That the friends around you have to be friends with those that you think is worthy to be seen together with you.

Under the moon did i come to realize that, no matter how hard you tried to be good to a person, they will never see it. Even if they do, that's just not what they feel at the moment. They only say that to comfort you. Who are we to know what the other feels? Even a heart surgeon can't tell. Having said that, it saddens me to see that after all these times, the people that we thought knew us the most and the person that we thought would know us best would come around to us and shove things up to our faces. Things which we would never have expected.

A Moment of Peace

2011-03-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

After so many hectic weeks, finally, a moment of rest is achieved even though this moment should be considered as a 'sick leave'. As i have come to understand, it seems there's a lot of conspiracy going on around the university nowadays. The fact that the word conspiracy is normally associated with something bad just makes the uni that i'm studying in sounds 'wicked'.

If you're wondering why conspiracy, here's how it goes. As i'm sure most of you are aware of, there's always gossip mongers in each of every corner (that's right! U know u're one of them! so dun bother hide urself! Otherwise u wouldn't be reading this!). They are like rats skittering from holes to holes at the same time planting 'evil seeds' of theirs. Not to judge them as i for one is an 'avid-gossip-listener', so, it's not fair to say that most of the people that gossips are bad. Just selected ones.

Has any1 heard of the phrase - Never Judge A Book By Its Cover? I think the phrase really rings true in describing the society that we have nowadays. This does not just include the societies, even the government conspire against one another. Which is why, the fellow undergraduates have decided to fill in the shoes of these great 'achievers' and starts their own 'armies'.

Is that even necessary? Never in my 4 years in this university have i thought that frens would turn against each other and frens who aren't frens with u before are being close with you for no reason because u have something that they don't. Wouldn't u say this is a little pathetic? Only those who thought that the frens that you have made are really your friend is an IDIOT.

How would u know if a fren is really the one that would care about you? I've been stressing this issue with my roommate and now i'm going to stress it again. If you ever come across a fren that says he/she wont hold a grudge against you. THIS is the type of fren that you shud be ware of. Who in this world does not care a shit about what other ppl think about u?

No matter how petty that thing is, they will still rmbr it unless that person is GOD. Then, i will rest my case gladly. After all that's been going on, i think it's safe to say that it's better to have less friends than more friends. No saying that you shouldn't make friends, you should socialize every now and then but you dun have to necessary turn every1 that you've met into ur BFFs. That is the saddest thing you'll learn in the future.

p/s: My moment of peace is disrupted yet again. Sigh.

Language 'Blues'

2011-03-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

Do you still remember the first day when you first had your foot into the university? Well, I do. The first day in this university, i kept asking myself - 'Where the heck am i? Is this the right place?' That question has got me lingered here for almost 4 years and am on the verge of graduating. What's more disappointing is that most of the lectures held in classes are done in bahasa.

Not speaking out of respect for the country and her mother tongue, but come on, isn't this the tertiary level education? I'm sure the uni does provides undergrads with language classes, so, enroll in the courses if you wan to polish your mother tongue. As depressing as it is, the lectures will be held with a twist of mixture of INGGERIS and MELAYU. Are you for real? What about the specific terms?

Over the years, i have come to rest my case in this issue because I'm aware that many out there does not have the privilege to be exposed to the English language most of the time. So, i just have to suck it up and live on with it. Until the fateful presentation of the previous day.

If you wan to copy paste all your info from the internet, it's fine by me. But, could you at least do it in discreet? You're not supposed to copy the whole phrase and paste it on your presentation slides. Might as well just save the damn page and present it. This has finally frustrates one of the lecturer and an announcement was made saying all the assignments and presentations in the future will be done in bahasa.

To add more depression to the depressed people. It's like you're putting an icing on top of a cake when there's a lot on it already. Some might consider this as whining, but, i still stand my ground. I think that tertiary institutes should be in English. What's the use of furthering when you're being stuck in one place in the first place?

Days That Left You Speechless

2011-02-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

Which day in a week that leaves you speechless the most? Monday? Tuesday? Or is it Sunday? Monday seems the favorite pick by most though as the saying goes - Monday blues. If you answer Monday, check that one out cause i had a Monday blue too. But then it wasn't as bad as i thought. Instead, it's not Monday that left me speechless in particular. It's the everyday each week that's left me speechless.

Ever get the feeling that you feel so out of place and wants to get out from the place that you're at so badly? But at the end of the day you still find yourself stuck in the exact same spot that left you disorientated in the first place. Disorientated is one thing. But what about understanding? Do u feel like everyone understands you? What you want? What you feel?

I think it's safe to say that we're born in a cruel world where nobody cares what you think anymore. The only time that they thought of you is when they need something out of you and try to wiggle something out of you at the same time. If these 24 years haven given me anything, it has taught me that there are always reasons whenever someone helped you or treat you nicely. They don't say it out loud but there's always something in return expected.

Finally i have come to understand why someone would feel so much stress out of nothing. It's not because of the work that's being handled to you. Instead, it's the way that you made yourself to face it. That's the real threat eh?

Nothing When There's Many

2011-02-19T11:20:00.000-08:00

Ever find urself doing nothing when in fact u have got loads of work waiting for you to complete on your shoulders? The work was supposed to be done days ago, and you kept telling yourself that you will finish it by today. At the end of the day, u find urself gazing at the home page of Facebook looking at statuses, comments and relationships. The common activities nowadays. God pls help me when you see this..

Reading, A Sport?

2011-02-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

It has become a known fact that i am fascinated by novels. Especially the fantasy ones. The fact that you are able to relate yourself to the novels is the fun process of reading the book itself. What prompted me to start reading novels was a book given to me by my aunt during the early years of my secondary. The book was 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer' by Mark Twain. Somehow the book have got some authentic look to it as she got it from the book fair of her school.

Soon after, the novel reading frenzy began. I find myself lingering in the book store even though i do not have the intention to buy any of them and would spend a great deal of time along the aisle scanning through the summaries of each and every novels i got my hands on.

Way before Narnia series was adapted into a movie, i started reading the whole series. I actually came upon this while in KLCC KinoKuniya. Here, it's where the fantasy adventure began. I know most of my frens would call me a geek or a nerd (some of them already have!) but i tend to have the tendency of reading novels that are related to mythical creatures - DRAGONS.

Something about reading them just fascinates me. Well, not all novels that i read is about them in general but mostly i would look for novels about them that would eventually get my attention. Since then, reading has just became a habit of mine whenever i got nothing to do, before i go to bed and when i'm feeling utterly bored. What a sport!

p/s: For those of you who would like to have something interesting to read, I recommend 'The Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. The book is too damn great for you to put it down once you finished reading the first book. You'll find yourself wanting the following book. Trust me. :)

Atonement

2011-02-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, why do i get the feeling that whenever i write an entry to my blog, it always have to do with something mellow? Melancholy anyone?? Maybe it's time for me to lay back on the dramas. Watching too much drama might affect ones emotion as well. In contrast, anyone never heard of atonement? The keira knightley movie (which in my opinion is a good movie. I just have a knack for those time-pieces which most of my frens would duped as boring.)?

For those of you who don't, well, rest assured. I've went the lengths to search for the meaning just to ease the confusion that you're having now (provided that you really have no idea what atonement means.). So, here goes:-

ATONEMENT

Atonement in Judaism is the process of causing a transgression to be forgiven or pardoned.
Atonement is a doctrine that describes how human beings can be reconciled to God.
In Christian theology the atonement refers to the forgiving or pardoning of sin through the death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion,^[2] which made possible the reconciliation between God and creation.
My very own deifnition - atonement is where somebody ask for forgiveness by those that they have sinned so that they are forgiven.

Sources: Wikipedia (God bless this site :))

So, are we on clear waters now? Anyhow, as you all know it's the CNY celebration now and it's really something that i shouldn't write over here since writing/talking on bad things/omens tends to bring bad luck throughout the whole year. But then, the urge to write this entry is stronger than the one that's stopping me.

What's stopping me you ask? Well, before i continue any further, I would like to ask: were you treated by others just because you're less fortunate / do you treat other people differently just because you're better than them? If you're the latter then shame on you. A child might be forgiven if they treat people around them this way since they are still ignorant to the world. But what if you're an adult and you've lived most of your life and you're reaching the big 5-0? Being born with a silver spoon in your mouth does not make the cut as well. In my opinion, everybody has their own right and place in this world regardless of their societal rank.

What do you do when you know that you've been ashamed or should i rephrase the world humiliate in front of other associates of yours intentionally? Would you feel sorry for yourself or would you laugh to yourself silently because unlike others, you will not place yourself lower than those that they've placed themselves? If you're thinking bout the latter, then bravo to you (purposely force yourself to choose the latter does not count you a better person). We might still be able to make a good person out of you.

What got me curious during this CNY celebration is that, while i wasn't born as some royalty nor was i born in some rich families, but, i would still consider myself lucky as i have REAL people close to me which i can consider as FAMILY though not all of them thinks this way. In conjunction with the title for this entry, do you treat the generation after the person that you hate or so you thought you hate cause someone had apparently instilled some ill-fated thoughts into your head?

Who in this world with good conscience would do that except those that already did? Can it be considered a child's fault that they have so 'malfunction'-a-human-being to call father and mother? Sometimes people can be so funny. A grudge you can hold but you don't have to direct that to every1 that's associated with the person that you hate. Isn't it a better place for every1 if you just forget about some things?

p/s: By the way, now that you're in this situation don't you think it's time for some atonement to do? This blog entry is intended to those who kept thinking that they are 0n some higher societal rank cause they got the riches. I'm proud to call myself as the -not-so rich-yet-not-that-poor-who-sees-the-bad-in-the-riches (cause honestly i dun see any good in you other than the calculative eyes of yours. Branded. Really? How many branded things can you have when you're dead?)

MizUnderstood.

2011-01-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ever felt like getting blamed for something that's not your doing? Living in a double-storey house with 5 other housemates, it's hard to avoid misunderstanding. Let's have a scenario here. What if, whenever something gone wrong, you're the first to be blamed for being at one place at the wrong time? How does that make u feel huh?

A night that was intended to be a night out where a new novel is waiting at the bookstore to be bought (finally!) had turned out to be a night of vengeance. Or should i say - a case of misunderstanding. Do you have a friend who claimed that they have EQs higher than others?? Well, i have one. One that just stays across the hall from my room. I was told many times that he have got a high threshold of patience.

Remembering this, it got me wondered. Does kicking things around the house after being disturbed by a courier count as a sign of high patience? Does shouting for no reason when the internet line is lag an act of patience? The latest - does lashing at someone cause the intended person that you called did not answer your phone cause it was in mute mode consider you as a person of ample patience? I dun think so.

The real patience is for being to withstand a person singing around the house all the time when they think that it's annoying. Wait. We're not supposed to do that too. Why? Cause someone is a very sensitive person too. Does it not count as patience when some1 in the room have to stand up for the singing during shower time be it in the middle of the night? I think the neighbors have more patience than we give them credit to.

The funny thing is, whenever somebody did something wrong, they wont admit that they did. Instead, they feel that they are right all the time. I shud know cause i'm good at this. I used to be those that always think that i'm right when i know it's not. But then, it seems the wheel has turned this time around. I'm always blamed for whatever that's not my fault and it seems to be taking a habit. What's worse, most of the people thought that a simple sorry will do it. Maybe they shud try how it felt when the scenario actually strikes them.

p/s: People, pls use your brain to think before you speak instead of using your ass. If you are as clever as you claimed to be, then, you shud understand this. A simple sorry will never do it. Once the harm's done, it's done.

Do's and Don't

2011-01-15T03:07:00.000-08:00

Do's and don't has most probably been copy righted by many people but a thought suddenly strike me - should we let other people decide what we wan or dun wan to do? Up until now, i felt that I've been living my whole life based on what people expect of me and what i should and shouldn't do. As always, there are always example to situation like this. Just yesterday, I attended Production Planning and Control class and since most of the undergraduates in the country do not practice the habit of reading the materials before the class, so, it's all a case of blurry state when we were given a question to try for the first time. Well, since this class is all about calculations and I'm not that good in maths so i was scratching my head trying to solve it. But then, in the midst of discussing it with my classmates, 4 out of 42 nailed the question and 2 out of the 4 almost had the right answer while the remaining two were fighting for the top spot. Unfortunately for me, i did not hear the part where there'll be free 'Teh Tarik' for those who could solve the quest. So, it strikes me as un-challenging. (I would've settled for a Coffee Bean / Starbucks though. But who am i kidding right?) Two of the students were both my housemates and for no reason, they can be defined as the type who likes to outshine the others (in this world who doesn't?). So, what happened was when the time comes for the lecturer to see who has managed to do the question - one of the them gave their answers for inspection. To his dismay, he almost got it right but there was some technical error and so NO his answer is not the right one. Since he's the only one in the class that stood up with answers, so, of course with the course of nature evry1 would come to you and ask for help. Here, it's not the case. Apparently my friend was annoyed cause since his answer was not the correct one and got more angry when 'the winner' grab his answer sheet away. So much for attention seeker huh? One tip that i've learned since the beginning is to stay low even though you think you are good. It's always a loose-loose situation when you are trying to grab all the attention whenever you can.

Friend-SHIP

2011-01-05T23:18:00.000-08:00

As you have seen from the title above, I've some how decided to write the word friendship apart as a two words. How many of you out there and actually tell from the bottom of your heart that the 'friendship' that you have with your peers are actually out of sincerity? Honestly, the world has become a place where people often wear a mask when they are out in the society and it has become hard for everyone to decide if their actions or feelings to you is true or just some act.

A few weeks ago, I happened to chat with primary friends via the messenger and he's confided in me that he's not feeling well. So, out of curiosity i asked: 'What happened?'. He went on to tell me that his best friend (which USED to be mine as well) has been given him the silent card for a few years now. At that moment, I take it that he's joking cause how can you stand staying with a person when they have refused to talk to you for three years? What's worse, the friend even went on to pretend that he wasn't there when he tried to confront him. Hmm. Not bad a friend right?

We had a little chat last night, reminiscing bout the times that we've spent during our primary (as i was helping my cousin sis with her boring virtual class), I took the liberty of asking about the condition between the two of them. Not to my surprise they are indeed no more best-buds. I told him wouldn't it be such a waste for an almost 10 years friendship to end on bad terms? That, was the thought that i had last night.

Today, I dun feel that way at all. What do we really know about friendship? Can you consider someone who has been talking bad about you behind your back as a friend? Or would you consider someone who's always ignored you whenever you bugged him bout something that you know he doesn't like a friend? Or someone who should've understand you better than anyone else (since that's what they claimed all the time. Normally they would say - i know what you wanted to do by the look on your face.) but instead went on to say something that they should've known better would come back to the one that they are dissing on?

Really, all this friendship thing really confuses me. How often do you meet a friend that is really sincere to you and treasure you as a friend? Sincere doesn't mean that a friend will cook you dinner every night. Although they have somehow shown you a better side of them of how good they've treated you but wants something in return. Does this make them a sincere friend? A best friend forever? To be honest to my heart and my soul, I hereby declare that i'm not a good friend.

If you thought just because you've shown me some kindness and expects me to treat you the way that you've treated me, then, i'm so sorry cause i was never comfortable that way. This is the reason why i have always tried to distance myself from other people. Oblivion to the world seemed like a good place for me.

Bigger Picture

2011-01-05T04:10:00.000-08:00

A sudden thought suddenly occurred to me - does wearing a spectacle with bigger frames makes you see a bigger picture while a smaller one don't? Most of you might not be able to grasp what i'm trying to say here, well, i don't actually knows what i'm going at as well. But, just when i put on my old glasses i had this sudden thought that maybe a person's personality is like when you're changing your glasses.

As we can see around us, there are different types of glasses to be found on the streets and they all come in different shapes. We have oval, round, square, rectangle and we even some glasses which we normally will be those olden days english women wear on TV and let's not forget a peacock feathered glasses. See? There are so many glasses to choose from and i'm just started with the shapes alone. Let's not forget the sizes that it comes with - small, medium, large you name it and it shall be yours.

In fact, the world has been so keen on making the world a better place for every living being they have decided to include more sustainable materials in making glasses which of course costs more than the normal plastic ones (what do you expect? Sustainability don't come in cheap packages you know.) Now, we have titanium glasses which used to be the IT glasses. I'm not sure if it still is cause i have one and it's a courtesy from my uni friends in conjunction with my birthday. Since someone like me can own a titanium, i'm guessing it must be really dropping off the charts then.

This blog is actually not meant to be about glasses, i just liked to say that sometimes no matter what glasses you're wearing, it doesn't mean that you have to look at everything within the frames of your glasses. Maybe it's time to look outside the box (as they say - to be creative you need to think outside the box) just so you can have a look at the bigger picture.

2011

2011-01-03T22:01:00.000-08:00

Finally! The long awaited new year has finally arrived. I'm sure every1 in the world is busy looking for ways to fulfill their resolutions. Strange enough, I dun find myself as having any new year resolutions this year. It occurs to me that i might be I dun have enough time in my mind to come up with a few or maybe it's just me plain lazy to have a few. Anyhow, for those of you who does, make sure you see to fulfilling yours and dun have a few up for naught! Happy new year!

X'mas Eve (Minus the Lavish Dinner and Turkey)

2010-12-24T02:27:00.000-08:00

Funny enough, even though the final year project is to be completed by next week, but, all i had managed to do was wasting my time on searching for songs, reading my never-ending novels and watching Brothers & Sisters. Tell me, who can resist the urge of not watching that series??? It's just too darn good to give it up.

I remembered when i first arrived to Mlc a few days ago, i told myself to commit a 100% on the FYP but as it turns out i feel uninspired to even start touching it more than ever. The fact that my supervisor has gone out station for a week and the pressure that was loaded on my shoulders with the revelation that i might not be able to finish the thing in time does not help at all. Not forgetting what would the panel say should i be lucky enough to come out with a prototype.

As usual, having nothing to do or should i say 'dun know how to start' i went to get myself a good afternoon nap thanks to the anxiety that's been bugging me these few nights which has left me with not-so-good-night sleep, i found myself waking up now and then to check the time. Sounds like a not-so-good sleeping habits? Why do i get the feeling that i wont be sleeping right every night and feeling nervous all the time before the final semester to my varsity years even starts?

p/s: Merry X'mas (i'll be sulking in my room fretting over what to do with my FYP...)

Anxiety Attack

2010-12-22T01:37:00.000-08:00

What started out as a homesick plan turns out to be a real disaster in disguise. Whoever thought that finally getting a chance to really stay at home will turn out to be the worst nightmare that you can ever imagine. The feeling of not getting something done is bad. But the thought of not able to getting something finished in time is haunting and it most certainly makes you feel anxious.

Anxiety attack. One of the obnoxious way to express that you're nervous about something. It's not obnoxious to some people but it does to me. Makes the breathing hard and it makes it hard for you to sleep. Just when you thought you finally got the chance to rest and here comes the whirlwind that's going to sweep your feet right off the ground. Can't say i see that one coming.

I've come to realize that i've been using the phrase 'Didn't/Can't see that one coming' quite a lot. It really seems like a useful phrase to use when you're trying to hide the fact that you weren't prepared for a situation but it's happened to you anyway. Didn't see that coming. I actually likes the sound of it. Happy holidays to those celebrating X'mas. No reason to not celebrate even though you're stuck with work.

Sense of Awakening

2010-11-24T07:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had the feeling of awakening before? Awakening as in you were momentarily blinded by your emotions and feelings and had somehow ignored the reality of how thing works. Some people have it the bad way and some have it the rude way. It's just a matter of how you got 'awakened'.

Just this afternoon, i got the news that most couple had their relationship on the brink of the edge cause the other sex complains too much. So far how true is this? For all i know, when one person complain too much it tends to bring out the not-so-good side of oneself towards the other person and it sort of reflects the real you to everybody.

When i had explained on what i thought would be the main problem of the crisis to my cousin sis, then only did she realize that was exactly what she had done and it kinda serves as an awakening to her as she did not realized that what she's been doing, what she thought would be appropriate to do between couples is actually what turns the other sex off. Complaining too much just turns somebody off and it is normally served in fast food services.

I actually thought of writing this blog this afternoon when i was watching my new found kitten playing on its own. Dun know why and dun know how but the title just suddenly pops into my mind and leads me to write this. Sense of Awakening. I actually like the sound of that :)

Free Time

2010-11-23T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ever since completing the finals last week, the load that have been sticking around on my shoulders seemed to have parted ways with me. It's a good thing or a bad things? Pros and cons anyone? The good being that relaxation can finally come as naturally as it can be. No more waking up in the wee hours to overload my brain drive and no more rushing for the next subjects.

The bad? When you have got so much free time, laziness seems to get the better of you. Often than not, when a person is too free the tasks at hand almost always will not be done as they had anticipated. A presentation was to be finished and edited last night and am supposed to rehearsed for it now. Instead, blogging and hopping around the net got in the way.

Every year, new resolutions were made where vows to never start anything at last minute and promises to improve from the last seems to dissolve into thin air when the semester actually starts and that's when the reality kicks in. I have come to realize that almost every entry of mine have been on the bad side and there seems to be no more good side of it to write.

Just this morning, while i was still in my bed my friend messaged me saying one of the classmates got it bad with the panels for his presentation and that all his gimmicks and tricks that he's famous for in his presentation seems to have backfired. Now, what an encouraging news before your very own presentation huh? Anywho, hope those that are presenting today will do good and all the best!

Last Minutes

2010-11-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

Waking up this morning to think that it might be a better day than yesterday. Guess that i'm all wrong again. It seems that fate hasn't turn out good for me yet. Since the beginning of this month, it's been nothing but bad bad for me. It's like a giant bad-voodoo meteorite has sudden hit on earth and i'm it's target. I guess i'm reading too many novels that help sparks my over-the-top imagination.

Ever got the moment where you have to rush all your assignments and projects at the last minutes and end up succumbing to nothing? Have you ever given a thought that wouldn't it be better if you'd have done it since the beginning instead of waiting till the deadline to do it? I guess it's a habit that most find difficult to break. It comes as no surprise though. When you got too much time till the deadline, you always tell yourself that it's impossible not to finish it in time. One lesson that i have learned this semester - never leave anything behind unless you are confident you can do it.

But what if you didn't want to leave it till the last minute, instead, you've got no choice but to wait till the end cause some idiot along the way came and took everything from you and left you nothing but an open wound? Now, that's a new thought. The most unfortunate thing that can really happen to a person's life is to find that you have actually achieved something only to find you have done nothing cause everything that you have done was taken from you.

And the best part of it is that you didn't even know that it had happened until you actually found out about it. What's more, there's nothing you can do about it cause some1 said that they'll take care of it. But, how far can you trust that person's words? Don't ever tell me that you've seen the worst part of life. Don't ever mention how sad your life is to other people. It'll just cast a shadow on yourself. You haven heard the story of other people's life. It'll make you eat your own words and make you feel so puny that you'll regret the moment you let those words out.

Abyss of The Heart

2010-11-22T00:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone have their moments where they fret, feel sad, got their hearts broken, get a reason for celebrations and depressed out of nothing. Just the other day i had a friend who wrote his feelings out on his blog. He went on to publish the link of that post on his social network. Although i still couldn't figure out why he did this but i'm guessing maybe he felt that some one out there should understand what it is that he's feeling.

Unfortunately for him, an act that looked so naive and harmless have turned out into a gossips among friends. Some of those readers have labeled this act as stupidity. The most irony thing in it is that names were mentioned in that post. And that my friend has made what every1 thought as the dumbest thing that any person can do. I guess the first rule when you're trying to go public, names should not be mentioned unless you have the consent by the party which you are referring to?

It always amazes me that some people can just let out how they feel to the world so easily without having a care on what that would give to them. Interactions have come to me as a way to express one's feeling to other people. Unfortunately, in my case, expressing my feelings to others seemed hard. Be it to my family or to my friend. I dun feel obligated to comfort a person when they are not feeling well. A simple act of asking if everything is ok would have taken a lot out of me.

Having said that, it's obviously i dun normally share what i feel easily. Unless i feel that it is necessary for me to explain it to you, then, i would jus twist and turn without telling you a thing. Earlier this month, I was supposed to feel good for once in my life since it's a good reason for me to celebrate. But, for no reason it has turned out as the choices that i regretted most of all. Then, i was accused as not expressing how i felt.

Hopefully every1 knows that showing my feelings is not an easy matter and that unlike most people, showing my feelings easily whenever something happens always makes me sad cause often than not, something bad happens. Writing this blog had those bad memories flooding back to my mind all over again. If only life isnt always this hard on me. Compared to the world, i feel so small..

Random

2010-10-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

Ive ran out of idea of figuring out the best and appropriate title for each entry. The sudden thought of just naming each of them random came to my mind. Just came back from class and am now sitting in front of a table in the library writing an entry to my blog with my fren's laptop.

Last few weeks have been the most craziest weeks for me. Rushing my final year projects together with the endless assignments to boot. Phew! To top it off, there's an occasionally suddenly-out-of-the-blue test for u. I think the lecturers are trying to create this help-u-ease-ur-stress ambiance. Unfortunately for them, they dun! Working around the hour and burning the midnight oil. SUCKS.

Yesterday i jus got the news from my sis that my dog is having her first period which leads to her being called bitchy by my dad. Blood stain all around the house? No wonder she's being locked away on the porch every morning. Just hopes that she wont be making much noise. Neighborhood around my house is not friendly. Thanks to those aunties that have too much free time to loiter outside their house and dissed on other ppl's dirt.

I've got a test in 5 hours and all i can think of now is all the presentations that are needed to be completed by this week. Especially the presentation for this particular sub - Business Plan. I'm a manufacturing engineering undergrad and we've made compulsory to sit for a sub called Entrepreneurs. All my life i've never given a thought about me being a business person. Business and me are like oil and water. We dun mix around with each other well.

Constructive and Destructive

2010-08-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

Over the years since we started to have education, be it primary, secondary or tertiary, we have been taught to have constructive thinking than destructive thinking. What is constructive? although i dun know it that much in-depth, but, at least i know that whenever we do something, we have to be at least a lil' optimistic doing it. Tell me, will anything ever accomplished if all u ever do is thinking on the bad side rather than the good one? Complaining is okay. But, u dun have to keep on taking what other ppl's thoughts down. Imagine u have said something and the person kept on giving bad comments on what you've said. Irritating right? Undergraduates. Undergraduates have been given lectures and courses on how to have constructive thinking all the time. Even we learn that in Tech Com in first year. But, from what i've known over the years of our country's undergraduates, they tend to be destructive more than constructive. U're doing a project and your project team jus kept on providing you with those pessimistic thoughts. How the hell are you supposed to finish that damn project when at the beginning the spirit of the team have already been brought down by your own members?! One more thing is - ppl are not appreciative of what you've done for them. Jus because you start to own things that ppl dun have doesnt mean that you have the upper hand on other ppl. All you own are gadgets. Gadgets. Really? You're going to compete with other ppl jus cause you've got bloody gadgets? You dun have the brains and you're going to use gadgets? Dun even make me laugh on that! Did u even notice that you were pitied when you're in your lowest point in your life, but you're being cast out now that you thought you're on top. Thought you're hanging out with a bunch of high standards ppl dun ya? Think again fool! You're just going to make urself embarrass in front of every1 else. Dun even make me judge you with the higher standard of myself. I'm jus trying to stay ON PAR with you at the moment.

Making a Fool out of myself

2010-06-01T05:08:00.000-07:00

All right, I think making a fool out of myself has officially become a habit of mine. Jus take a look at the profile pic of my facebook. I can't stop laughing ever since. I always knew i looked bad, but, i din know it was this bad. This is the reason why i dun really enjoy looking at my own pictures unless they are really good. Take a look (Promise to have a good laugh after that :):-

Special thanks to Miss Cindy Low for uploading this onto the facebook and tagged my name onto it... It would've been an anonymous picture if u din tag me u know :(

Stupidity? Dumb? Geek?

2010-05-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that I've been writing depressed posts lately and the one that i'm writing now is nowhere any better. It feels like this depression thing have decided to linger on for a while. Now i know how it felt when one is feeling depressed. At least from my point of view, u get depressed on everything. U get depressed when u're at home. U get depressed when u online and u get depressed even when u're reading (this has never happened to me..). Being an avid reader myself, the feeling of connecting to the stories being read used to help distract my mind from the troubles at hand momentarily. At least they used to. U can say that it's kinda like a way for me to getaway from this world for awhile. And this is the reason why i read all the time. I used to get made fun of my reading habits and the types of books i read. The one thing that I'm most interested in is fantasy novels. I dun know why but i have this thing for mythical creatures and it is considered as lame to read this kinda novels. There's so many labels that i've been labeled to that i've lost count of them. The most often ones are geek, lame, joke, dumb. But most ppl dun often realize that by being these labels, u dun actually worry so much about the troubles that u have. Ppl always thought that by being serious they'll be looked upon as macho and even pretty. Give me a break. It's like u're putting on a mask and the mask dun even suits ur real personality. I can be serious if i want to, but, i chose not too. Who doesn't want to be smart when u know u're smart and not that dumb as they said u are? I'm going to readily admit that I was once naive enough to ask my friend where do babies come from. But, this is not considered dumb as i didn't exactly asked it this way. What i actually meant was where to babies (for muslims. No offense) come from when the religion forbids sex as publicly as they do. I asked this when i was being too ignorant on the world to know anything. And ever since, it's been the joke that I'm the dumbest person in the world for asking such questions. The thing is, sometimes ppl chose to interpret on things that they thought would be more fun to teased at then things that is more sensitive and more serious. Naturally this is what we all do isn't it? Sometimes we have the moment where u said something and ppl thought u're either crazy or u're the dumbest person to say that. Who in the world with their right mind would want to be perceived as stupid? There are times when i was engaged in a conversation, my friend would look at me and gives me the ' I can't believe u asked that.' look. They even accused me of bringing out the sarcasm out of them. I dun blame them for it actually cause in their point of view, it does look like the most dumbest thing that i've just asked. But, in my point of view, the things that they've said can be readily perceived as pure stupidity by me (no offense here, just trying to make a point). This is just one of those mis-communications that most ppl have and i have to admit that sometimes i have the tendency to not express the things i wanted to say correctly which leads ppl to think that what is said is completely - S.T.U.P.I.D. Honestly, i rather enjoy it cause it gives me the pleasure in making a joke out of me for nothing and have a laugh about it. As they say - even a minute counts.

Low Point?

2010-05-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

Life sucks. At least mine does. Everything's broken and no matter how many times i tried to save up some money to fix them, something always come up and in the end - down goes the money to the drains. Lately i got the feeling that while every1 around me is getting everything that they wanted (at least they still get part of what they wanted), i'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere getting nothing. Everyday i have to wake up telling myself to be patient. That there might be something good that'll happen to me during the day. Everyday the same ol' mask that i wear to my advantage every single time. Not bad huh? I was told that i'm good at handling bad situations by being optimistic. The truth? I'm not. It's just the face that i wear whenever something bad's happened. How can i not put on an optimistic face all the time? I'll be halfway close to killing myself if i dun. Even feeling sad and moody is a guilt in my life. And guilt seems to have found a good friend in me

Facebook

2010-04-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Facebook. Mention the word facebook and who doesn't knows what's a facebook these days? (except for my parents.They are ignorant on these things.) Before facebook, we have the friendster. Now, facebook has come to dominate the world with all its interesting applications and games (which i ignored most of the time, so, dun bother sending those to me). Apparently, the facebook is so great that we can even use it to search for friends which we thought have gone far away from this planet, though, i've nvr tried that out since i dun have much friends (all thanks to me being nerdy the whole time). Even my supervisors in Samsung Corning have facebook account, so, of course I myself has an account for it. I was first introduced to facebook by my friends, Nic and Fauz where i was reluctant to join at first. It was really confusing when i started using the facebook as we need to allow applications to be used in this social tool and writing on other ppl's wall as well as poking them. Poking? Seriously? I can nvr get over that. It's like we're able to feel the poking when some1 poked us. All these took a new turn when the applications like games are introduced into this social network, petsociety. I was told of this game by my friend Nic and Fauz eventually and as usual, I was not really keen on playing it. Then, for no reason, i started to get hooked on it when i was having my semester break during the last year and would play it whenever i'm on facebook. Now, i can officially say that i've completely abandoned the pet that i have over there. Apart from the pet society, there's new games out in town now and they are the barn buddy and the hotel city. It's really astounding as u actually have ppl waking up in the wee hours in the morning just to check up on the status of the games. Well, it looks like sleep is no longer important in our lives anymore. Then, came the revelation of my fren where he said he can't sleep without turning off his laptop. The reason being that he have to wake up in the night jus to check on his facebook profile. I wonder if they have any rehab for those that are addicted to facebook to the extreme level?

Clash of the Titans

2010-04-26T23:55:00.000-07:00

Alright, i have to make one thing clear here - why is the Clash of the Titans 2010 not nice?? I've been asking every1 who've watched the movie and all the answers that i got is it's not worth the money to watch it, the storyline sucks, the 3D's bad, the whole thing's bad.. But, from what i saw in the reviews, the movie has made it to the top of the box office and from my own point of view (since i watched it last night, finally, thank you.) the movie is not bad. Although i managed to not able to focus at the beginning of the movie (thanks to Mr. Man Kit who kept on comparing the characters of the movie to DOTA throughout the whole movie), but, i still managed to catch up on it. You know, while watching the movie, i was kept wondering that whether those of you who've watched the movie saw the first one since this is the remake of the old one. Well, if you've watched the first one then you wouldn't get confused with this remake of Clash of Titans. For one, i did watched the old COTT. I still have the vague memory of watching the movie with VCR. The movie was made in 1981 and i was born in 1987. I know it's kinda far-fetched, but, i like movies that are in the fantasy genre. So, it does not come as a surprise if i watch this movie when i still young at age :) Anyhow, i'm just trying to say that for those nay-sayers that said this movie is bad - you should've watched the first part first before going to watch this one.. Then, you'll know :)

The first COTT (1981):

The remake of COTT (2010):

Kelly Clarkson All I Ever Wanted Live in Malaysia 25 Apr 2010

2010-04-26T01:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was the best night of the year! KC had her first concert here in M'sia and i was lucky enough to rock with her!!! One word for her performance - AMAZING!!! She was practically singing non-stop for one half hours and still managed to belt out all the high notes. Who would have thought that the first concert i ever went was Kelly Clarkson! All in all the concert was great and i really had a great time listening to her singing all her hits as well as covers of some great songs. Well, i din know it was her bday the day before the concert, so, happy belated birthday kelly!!!! The opening act for the concert is not bad as well - our very own idol, Jaclyn Victor and the million star, Suki. Both great singers in their own rights. All this wouldnt have happened without the help of my dearest friend, Nic!!!! Nic, have i told u i love u so much????!!!!! HAHAHA!! Thanks a lot!!!!

The Most Boring of The Days

2010-04-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

I could not rmbr when was the last time i visited this site. Few months ago maybe? The first time back here and i have to start my entry on the topic - BORING. If only my life isn't that boring. We complained boring when we've got nothing to do. We complained when we've got too much to do and we certainly will complain we're given things that we dun like to do. Hmm.... I wonder.. Would the world be better off if we dun do anything? If my supervisor back in SCM sees this entry (which i doubt he will...), he'll definitely says to my face that we're just wasting our time if we dun do anything. I got to say during my whole course of training in SCM, i've certainly learned things that i wont ever forgets in my life - patience. But really, will patience account for anything when you're feeling bored all over your head? It wont! Stuck here in a place where it's famous for its hot weather and its boredomness (for me at least).... I cant seem to find anything to do. What's worst? I have a rental house over here and i din even have the courage to go back. Why? The place is too darn dirty and messy that it reminds me of a garbage whenever i'm there... Lord pls have mercy upon this soul!

2010 - New Year

2010-01-08T16:24:00.000-08:00

People always said that things will get better with the new year here. Today is dated as 9-Jan-10 and things certainly dun get better as they should. What's more depressing is i actually spent my new year's eve in my house reading a bloody novel! What a great year to start huh? To add more depressing flavor to the juice, i have to work the next day after new year and have to cancel the plans which i've made with my frens to PD. Now i only got one thing to say - Way to go Samsung.

Internship in Samsung started back in 30th Nov last year. Everything was going smoothly though the environment in the department which i was placed in is certainly not what i've expected, then, things started to get out of place. First, the process that took place is extremely dangerous and you almost will not find yourself without bruises if you din pay attention. Some might say Samsung is a big company and how dangerous can that be right? Well, just so you know the equipments used are at least more than 70 degrees and it leads up to 1000 and more.. So, if you're going to tell me that everything is simple in front of me i suggest u dun say anything at all.

Post-Exam

2009-11-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

It's finals week and it seems that there isnt enuf time for me to study... It has always been a last minute for me to study all my subject. If only i am able to rid myself of this habit and really just get myself to focus on finishing-today's work rather than leaving it for the next day. Then, there wouldnt be so less time left for me... Lately, i got the feeling that every1's excelled in their paper except me. They would kept on talking on the paper when it's already over like they wont survive even a minute without mentioning it. Just DROP it ppl! It's already passed and there's nothing more for u to do! I have been getting used to sleeping late since the finals week began and now i find myself wide awake in the wee hours of the morning... SIGH

Another 1

2009-11-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

Yet another day spent in the library.. Does it never have an ending to this cycle? If only time really flies as they said when u really wish them to be... Time is flying too slow for my taste now...

The past few days experience..

2009-11-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

Have u seen the movie 'The Day After Tmr'? How the world was being destructed by the natural disaster in our world? Well, i think i'm experiencing my very own version of the day after tmr except that the natural disaster in this episode is the never-ending finals, assignments, reports and wait a minute, endless sleepless nights! I couldn't rmbr the last time i really had a really good night sleep since last month. Everyday it's either rushing the assignments or burning the midnight oil for tmr's presentation which leads to the short-few-hours of sleep per day. You would thought that everything will be over once we hit the Finals week. Wrong. Even when you're sitting for your finals you'd still have to worry about the assignment that you have not completed yet and not forgetting the report that you have to do for the specific project.

In my almost 3-years studying in this varsity, this semester is officially the busiest semester that i have ever had. Forget about me mentioning how busy i was for the past semesters. This semester is the real deal to date and i have a crunch that this condition will last until the day i graduate from here. Speaking of graduating, I'm still wondering if i am able to get the graduating-in-1st-honors scholarship in the Budget (I'm not sure if i mention this correctly or not, but, i heard that it's frm the Budget M'sia.. Right?) Anyways, i've been trying hard to study for this finals these few days, unfortunately, i jus cant get my head right into focusing what i'm studying. Whenever i tried to study a chapter or a topic, my mind would stray somewhere else... If only they have invented a meachanical device where we can store all the data that we have studied into our brain... That would make our life whole lot easier wouldn't it?

Here, i would like to thank those who have wished me during my birthday and special thanks go out to Man Kit for coming all the way over here to celebrate with me. Really appreciate it. Also, thank you to lisa, khai yean and kian siong. You guys are the best. For some1 to celebrate their birthday, i actually celebrated mine 2 days in a row.. It was kinda depressing when you have to sit for a paper during your birthday and not to mention you are not allowed to go out celebrate just because u have another paper coming up the next day. So, i cant help but feel a lil' stress out and maybe a tinge of sadness.

It's been a long time...

2009-10-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

Howdy bloggers!! It's been such a long time since i've been here.. It's long enough that i almost forgot i have an account over here. Assignments, projects and tests have been occupying most of my time of late and i barely have time to catch some breath anymore. This semester seems to be the shortest semester that i have ever been through for the 2 years that i've been in this uni and there's only one word for it - FOR REAL?!

Anyhow, i'm lucky enough to slip in for a few get-outs and movie nights in between. Thanfully i'm still able to do these although it's not on a frequent basis. Was studying in the library yesterday when i suddenly came across the announcement where the PTPTN will be converted to scholarship for graduates when they hit the 1st honours mark starting in year 2010. Well, at first i thought i might have a chance since my CGPA so far is still considerably goood. Everything crumbles when later at night i found out that the 1st honours mark in my uni is 3.71.

God damn it. Since when it has changed to 3.71? I always thought that the 1st honour mark is 3.5 here. Well, there goes my too-good-for-me scholarship. Now, i have to work myself harder to reach that mark. For the last few days, i haven been to anywhere except sit myself at home rushing all the assignments and the projects. Not to mention the presentations as well. I've got to say, some of the lecturers actually did this on purpose - giving you tonnes of assignments and whatever crap they can think of. Whatever their notions are i'm not seeing it now but i certainly am wearing myself out doing them. Not getting sufficient sleep almost everyday and always stealing time here and there just to get a chance to get a nap as though sleeping has become something illegal in my life. I thought they said varsity life would be easier than STPM? I certainly am not feeling it now.. In fact, i felt worse than bfore..

It's 25th today and th first paper for my finals will be on the 2nd. Just finished my tests earlier in the day and i have to say i really salute to my coursemates. If u dun know how to answer the questions and still managed to do some part of it is still ok. But then, when u're actually there in the exam hall copying word by word of what i've written then that's different story. I wont deny that i did not pisses me off. Copying all the way is definitely a NO-NO. Also, i've learned that we shud not always trusts the tips that were given to us unless it's from ur lecturer. U nvr know whether they can be trusted or not and it would really waste ur time studying it when it did not even come out in the test.

The first reaction when i got my finals timetable has been Oh No. For those who know me well u'd probably know what i meant. Once again, i have to spend my birthday studying for this year as well. Who would've thought it'd be this coincident? Not to mention i have another paper the day after. Last year, i have to spend my brithday sitting one of the paper that screwed my result - Materials in Engineering. This year, the same thing as well except that the paper that i'm sitting for will be - Ergonomics in Design. Thankfully enough, my lecturer have almost gave all the tips there are on the paper. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that i'll be able to score well this semester to be closer to the oh-so-high scholarship.

2009-09-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

I did not realize that it's almost been a month since i last updated my blog. It only came to my mind when Fauz asked me why hasn't there any new blogs from me. Well, for the last month all i've been doing was rushing assignments and the never-ending tests. You would have thought that going through all these rushing you are prompted to participate in the tug and war( i dun know wat it's called. Apparently my vocab is failing on me..). For starter, things have certainly been surprising and interesting. For the first few weeks of September, it was either doing my assignments or rushing for the monthly tests. Well, of course there's occasional plurking and facebook-ing and maybe Messenger-ing. Then, comes the time for the mid-term break/raya break. I dun know whether it's a blessing or an unfortunate thing, but, for this raya break we got an extended few more days for the 12-days break. Which means we are only left with a few days for our study break. Anyways, for this break me and my uni-mates have decided to stay over in one of my friends house for the weekend. You can say this come sort of like an anticipation for us. Honestly, have any1 of you ever heard of Sekinchan? If you do know then you are lucky, but, i for one has never even heard of it let alone been there. I've been telling every1 that i'll be going to my friend's house for a few days and it's in kl. KL?! It's far frm KL. Frm wat i've experienced, you would need at least a few hours before you actually reach KL. And from this i mean the border line of the city. To be in the center of the city, you might want to consider adding one more hour into the journey. Anyway, what's really caught me off guard was my laptop. For no reason, my laptop has decided to go all facial-disfigured on me. This was the night earlier before i'm going back to my hometown. Fixing it means costing me a few hundreds to get a new set of LCD screen for it. Since it wouldn't be worth fixing it at the moment, i'm lucky enuf to get a new one instead which of course would eventually cost hell of a fortune out of me. If earning money is as easy as spending it and i'm not even working! Now, i'm back in Ayer Keroh awaiting for all my assignments due dates to arrive.. If only condition will get better for a change...

Departure

2009-08-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Do u ever get the feeling of just leaving a place and end up in a place with total strangers around you and dont have a care for the world on what you're doing? How i would like to just be able to leave here and go to somewhere where there wasn't anyone there who knows me and be able to live a free life instead - stress free that is. Nic once told me that if you want something hard enough you would do anything to get it, but, it always comes down to one thing - money. How thw heck are you going to go some place without a penny in your pocket?

Can't say i haven thought of earning my way through the journey, but, even a child would say that's not practical wouldn't it? Just the other day, my cousin sis told me that she's finally resigned from her work and is going to Australia for some time while waiting for her boyfriend to settle in Washington. Now, this would make you think - why the hell are they able to do all this that you can't? It's quite simple actually, it's either that's your fault or there's something that went wrong somewhere in between that you didn't know.

As if going through a hectic life in the uni is not enough that i still have to worry about so many things in life. Sometimes you wished you could just kill yourself off and be done with it for a moment. Once again, I'm just going to say that i'm alright. So, for whoever who reads this, you dont have to worry about a thing. It's not like i'm going to kill myself off the moment this post ended. I'm just trying to express wat i felt once in awhile if not verbally.

Some of you might say - why not just get everything out and share it with some one else. For some, it might be a way to get solutions that you alone will not be able to figure out. But, i was not brought up that way. I wasn't taught to express myself whenever i faced any problems and more importantly i've grown used to keeping my own thoughts to myself except when there are times that i really can't stand it. So, if you really want to help, the best way would be just leave me alone for awhile instead of asking me 'What's the matter?'. Truth be told, i'm never comfortable with that phrase. It just feels awkward even when it came from my own family. Even when i answer you, it would be a lie.

But then again, everyone's living a lie. Don't they?

Stomachache

2009-08-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

It's officially the third now since the gut-wrenching stomachache began. Am still trying to figure out wat i ate the last few days. At the moment, the prime suspect to this is the 'bubur cha-cha'. You can say it's my own fault and my foolish non-stop-eating mouth anyway. Who would've thought an innocent looking bowl of 'bubur cha-cha' can put me thru this horrifying experience. What happened as a cooling dessert turned out to be a nightware. It has been blistering over here in Malacca for the last few days, so, wat happened was my roommate (being a moderate cooker as he is) had prepared dessert - the infamous bubur cha-cha for every1 the previous night. I dun know whether it's fortunate or unfortunate that he prepared quite a large portion.. As usual, every1 was not able to finish the whole thing off, so, we left the unfinished dessert in the fridge. Well, wat happened the next day was i suddenly had a knack for something cool for the hot afternoon, so, i went to look around in the fridge and found a whole pot full of bubur cha-cha. The whole thing does look a bit sticky at the same time yucky when you first took it out of the fridge, but, since it's cool and i help myself to a bowl of it. Half way through eating that i was beginning to feel a bit stuffed so i went to the kitchen and boiled the whole thing again. Only then does the whole thing tastes right. I guess it's all too late now huh?? Right or not right i've already got wat i deserved eating uncooked food from the fridge. This is only one of the suspect. The others that i have in mind could be the spicy chicken patty that my housemate cooked the other night. Being a not-so-spicy eater, it's always been known that i can't take food that are too spicy. God knows wat would happen after that right? But since that night, out of the blue, i was feeling hungry as a wolf, stuffed myself with one of those spicy chicken patty and the spicy noodles. Well, ever since that day i've been having stomach ache till today. I've already lost count on the times i wen to the bathroom.. Only myself to blame for this huh? Maybe lisa was right - i shouldn't be so 'tan chi' haha..

P/S : F, u're not helping in the facebook!

Everything that's bad.

2009-08-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

If coming back to your own house feeling tired and exhausted is not enough, maybe you should try coming home to one that looks like it's been muggled and looking like a rubbish dump. Even my dog stays in a cleaner environment than this. Seriously, it doesn't take that long a time to reach the rubbish bin. If that's not enough, try coming home to a house where there're papers scattered all over the table and wires snaking through here and there. There. IS THAT ANNOYING OR DISGUSTING? I dun know which i felt more now.

It has been tiring and somewhat crazy for the past few days that i think i'm going to go all 'koo-koo-in-the-head' all too soon. Honestly, can somebody please help enlighten me? Sleeping late IS bad enough. Not getting enough sleep almost everyday IS bad enough. Occasional headaches IS bad enough. Not leaving out worrying about the assignments are bad enough. And now the last thing that i really need is to come back to a home that i need to worry as well. Here i was thinking home is a place that you can come back to relax...

Out of the blue, there seems to be a trend going on around lately. The slimming method or should i say the express way to diet. It really amazes me of the extent that people are willing to go to achieve that particularly goal. I'm not trying to say that it's bad or anything since the choice is theirs to make - just hope that in the end it's worthwhile. For some, they would consort to eating vegetables as their only input for the whole day. Not exactly all green but with occasional meat here and there (but that can be considered seldom).

For me, i don't think that's even necessary. I've never been the thinnest one and i've never been the thickest one. Once upon a time i might have use that as the last resort to lose all those weight that i once have, but come to think of it, my weight has been the weight that i have for the years past that i couldn't recall. Well, for those of you out there - hope all your efforts will be paid off and all the best. For the others - KEEP THE GOD DAMN HOUSE CLEAN! Don't be such a F.

Determination

2009-07-26T04:04:00.000-07:00

Do u still remember the resolution that you would have at the beginning of each year? What you are going to do. Which habit that you're going to rid yoursef of? Some might to the extreme extent to have theirs written out to remind themselves. Well, i have bunch of resolutions over the past few years but none were actually done by me. For most of us, resolutions were made when we are reaching new year. As they say, new year new life right? So it is only right that we make resolutions at the beginning of each year.

But what about those who study in university? Of course it's the new resolutions at the beginning of each semester right? Ironic huh? Making resolutions twice a year. I dun know why but a sudden thought suddenly prompted me to write a post about having resolution. In fact, the thought came to my mind when i was washing the dishes awhile ago. So, what resolutions that an undergraduates have? From my own point of view and in fact quite a few times, the first and foremost have to be getting a better result each semester.

Getting a better result? Who am i kidding? How am i suppose to get good result when i wasn't even paying much of my attention during lectures let alone getting into the Dean List? The second that comes to mind would have to be not getting anything done at the last minute. Once again.. AM I KIDDING MYSELF? Truth be told, i've been trying very hard to get rid of this habit since the beggining but to no avail. Seriously. Who will finish everything on the spot? Look at the adults. U dun see them finish everything on the same day. It will always be there's time tmr.. Hmm... U think that's y we've grown accustomed to this excuse was bcoz of the adults? Wat a mystery to be solved.

Back down or stay strong?

2009-07-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Life is a peculiar thing isn't it? One minute you find yourself enjoying the most of it and almost in an instant without any warning you're being thrown into the 'Life sucks' zone. Here i am wondering if i am the only one on this planet that felt this way.

Just a few days earlier something must have got onto my nerve, for no reason i was laughing non stop that i can barely stop even when i'm eating. Talk about embarassment. That time i was eating in McD with the whole people staring at me mouth stuffed laughing non-stop. Embarassing? No sir. None taken. In fact, i actually felt good about it. Felt good on how i was able to laugh without a care for the world on what they would think about me. Seriously folks, how often in life are u able to do that? U can't do it in the public places. U don't do that while u're in the class. U most definitely won't do that in places which people considered as 'High Class'. Well, as for me - it's all the same. When i want to laugh i will. What for u want to hold it back in when u can get it all out? The best therapy in the world i must say.

Laughing is the best medicine they say. What happens when u find urselfcan't laugh no more one day. What would they say then? U don't laugh when you've lost some1.. U don't laugh when some1 annoys u.. U certainly won't laugh when u know some1 didn't keep their promise.. What would u do then? What would u do to make urself laugh like u used to? In some way, laughing does seems like a way of releasing all ur emo and ur stress when u're on the brink of going crazy. No wonder i've been feeling crazy lately. Could this mean i'm on the brink of going crazy? Hopefully they won't lock me up in chains though..

Whirlwind of a Week

2009-07-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

Guten Tag! That's the basic greeting in German which stands for good day. Given that my command in this language is limited, that is all i know for the moment. But dun fret though, there will be a day that i am able to fully communicate in German!

The new semester has begun and so far everything is going well except for the assignments that was hurl at us in the very beginning. So far, i've been assigned with 2 projects which i have no idea on wat it requires or whatsoever. Hopefully i will be able to be rid of myself of the last minute habit which i've seem to gained over the semester... HAHA

Since there wasn't any night class for me in this semester, so, we went to preview the premier for the latest Harry Potter installment - Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I have to say though that although the movie is okay overall, but, it wasn't as interesting as i've expected it to be. From the start, the show is the very typical HP that we've seen over and over again. In the latest installment, there's a lot of scenes that shows us the infatuation (i dun know if this word is the right one or not) between the main characters that we have grown familiar over the last few ones. The only feedback from the movie that i got from my friend straight away after the show was that there was no climax in this one that many had expected. As usual, the experience is totally different when u had read the book compared to watching the show for the first time.

For those who've seen me these few days, you must've noticed the acne's that i have growing out on my face for the past few days. Part of it can be blamed on the schedule that i have since the new semester in the uni has begun and part of it was the food intake that i had for the past few weeks. It was always fried nuggets, fried eggs, fried mee, and everything fried all together that i've lost count of what i took. Aside from this, it was probably the lack of sleep as well. For no reason, the headaches always get to me whenever i'm in MALACCA.. HAHA. It does beginning to get me wondering if there's anything wrong with this place or maybe it is cursed... HAHAHA

Lonely Night Out

2009-06-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

As some of you might have known, i was in 1U yesterday window shopping by myself.. Yes! BY MYSELF. Never had i thought that going shopping alone is such a dissastrous thing to do! (For those who planned to say 'You should've asked me instead' - especially those wit the name KS, pls dun.. U know i wont :(( ) Anyway, when i was there, the first shop that i wen was (no surprise) MPH. I dun know why, but, whenever i'm in a shopping complex the first thing that i would look for is usually the book shop. Something about books that fascinate me.. Hmm.. I wonder...

Well, last night was suppose to be a couple's night for my cousin sis and her bf. Unfortunately for them, i've decided to bug in as well. Who could blame me? After all, it'll be so damn boring for me to spend my whole night in the condo and and watch tv. So, before we wen to 1U we had dinner in SS2. Earlier i planned to ask one of my uni mates to come hang out. Sadly, he cant make it so all i can do was 'loaf' around 1u all alone. Ironically, wat i had in mind was 'Wat a good name this place is'. 1U=one you.

While my cousin sis and her bf was off to go Terminator, i was left (by my own will) walking around 1U browsing through each and every shop available there. Well, at first i was quite enjoying myself going through all the clothes hanging on the shelf and trying on the displayed shoes. As the time goes by, it was really getting silly for me to come and go out of each shop everytime empty handed. Coincidently, there wasn't many ppl there in 1U. So, whenever i'm in a shop all the shop assistant would follow me around. At some point, it made me look silly and i can almost feel that my face is hot wit red.

Fortunately, i was able to find a flip while i was in Zara. At first, i planned not to buy it. Well, who could've blamed me? I wouldn't wan to spend the money that i've earned for the past week on something that i might not even need ( Btw the flip that i'm wearing is not that worn out yet..). Looking at the flip flop i was intrigued to buy it and after a consulting a few opinions wit Fauz, i've finally decided to buy it. Maybe this is wat you would call guilty pleasure? Straight away after i bought the flip flop, i was working out the mathematics in my mind calculating the money that i've left for me to spend before the uni reopens.

After that, i went on to window shopping around the complex before heading to the cinema to meet up wit my cousin sis. As i was on my way, i bumped into one of my fren's classmate. At first, i couldn't quite bring myself to recognize her but at second glance i was sure that she's my fren's fren. You thought that since it's someone u (even if they dun know you but seen you in the school before they would at least give u a smile) knew they would come over and say hi or at least they would jus give u a waveor something. If you thought that then you're wrong. The only expression that i got frm her was staring at me for a few seconds before giving me the look like i'm some monster and turned away. I wanted to smile at her but seeing the way that she gave i've decided to ignore her as well and continue on my way.

The story doesn't end there. When i was at the cinema, i was standing by the escalator while waiting for my cousin sis and once again i bumped into that fren. To my surprise, she was standing hand-in-hand wit one of my secondary classmate on the escalator. It's either my ex-classmate didn't see me or he could not recognize me or maybe he thinks that i'm not worthy enuf to be his fren (which in any case i was sure he saw me..), both of them jus pass by me for the second time making their way to the ticket booth. After a few minutes, i bumped into them for the third time and like before both of them looked at me and turned away.

Seriously, is that even necessary? Call me dramatic or anything u want but dun u think that's a bit impolite? If i dun know u then at least i wouldn't have labeled it as impolite and come on we were classmate last time? Not even a 'Hi'? That's the thing about ppl.. One time they can be very good to you and the next thing u know they would jus ignore u on the streets. Just this morning, F sms-ed me saying that he saw my ex-F6 classmate but she pretended to not recognize him and looked away. This is the one thing that i dun get about frens. Would u still call urself some1 else's fren when u would ignore them? For me, i'm the kind that can be very impatient most of the time. So, when the message that i've sent was not replied i wouldn't even bother trying the next time. (So, if there's any1 out there that i've ignored ur message.. Well, u knows what happened..)..

What's going on?

2009-06-16T03:03:00.000-07:00

As usual, i woke up at 730 am to get ready for work. After getting everything done, i would then have my breakfast which normally consists of fruit juice (according to my aunty there's a kind of fruit mixed which helps to reduce the blood pressure), a cup of milo, two peices of bread and others (depending on wat the bought the day before). Usually, i end up over-stuffed myself on the breakfast and coming to the office with stomachache. Like every other day, i would sit on the sofa and watch the TV while my aunty get ready. Just when i was about to switch on the TV, my aunty suddenly asked - 'What is wrong wit the government? Why are they making so many problems?'

At first, i did not really get wat she said as i haven read the newspaper yet. So, i jus simply replied ' Since when they dun?' haha.. Then, later on when i came to the office and after having done all the task at hand did i find time to sit down and read the paper. As usual, our government makes headlines at the front page of the paper. You can nvr miss it. If today was any other day, i would've skipped this section as my dad would always say ' It's jus wasting your time to read what the government have done'.

Well, since i was being very inquisitive as usual, so i went on and read about the article. Truth be told, the article did not get much of my attention at all. They are mainly about how one of the minister got kicked out of the parliament and wearing a headband that says BUBAR DUN. Then there were a few on the opposing party that are against the government and some underground organisation going on. But what really caught my attention was the one that says our government is using Twitter. OUR GOVERNMENT?? TWITTER?? SERIOUS??

When i read that i was seriously taken aback. Apparently some of the minister straight away tweet on the parliament incident on the spot. Even the government uses Twitter, i wonder if i should introduce this network to my parents.. Well, to be honest i jus signed up to Twitter a few weeks back. At first, my close pals introduced it to me but i was stubborn enough to say no blankly. You never know if you never try it. Now, i would tweet frm the web with every chance i get. What can i say, u can never tell what ppl are thinking.

The 2nd Week

2009-06-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

First thing first, ever since my semester break started the past few weeks have been the only time where i have to force myself to get out of the bed at 730 in the morning. Truth be told, the first day of working was really disastrous for me. Waking up early in the morning has been an awfully hard task for me in the first place, then, came the nerve of wondering when will i be scolded for my mistakes next and kept counting the hours till it's time to go home.

Finally, when i'm back home i did not even get a chance to sleep early and it's all thanks to my cousin brother whom i'm sharing the bed with. Not only did he not letting me sleep early at night, it was his snoring that made me wake up every three hour in the middle of the night. Well, thanks to the snoring my sleep was affected and each and every morning i felt like i dun have enough sleep at all.

One hell of a weekend

2009-06-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

Well, as some of you might have known, i'm currently working in my aunty's office. So far, everything's been going along smoothly (jus a few mistakes here and there.). But honestly, time really flies when you are most busy. Just a few days ago, I jus started to work over here and now it feels like it's jus yesterday that i came here.

While i was having my breakfast this morning, my aunty suddenly came over and told me that she wans me to come over for another week because there's another pitching that she needs to do. Apparently, this one is kinda big and since i've helped done a lil' research on it so hopefully there's no mistake coming out of it.

For the first time in many months, this afternoon was the first time that i laid foot on 1U since i cant rmbr how long.. Since today there's not much work to do, so, we have decided to go over to 1U to have our lunch. At first, it was decided that we go to The Gradens but then my lousy cousin sis said she wans to eat 'Vinegar Pork Leg' (or watever u call it..) and we ended up in 1U. For those of you who've never been there, you should give it a try, it's really that good. The name of the restaurant is called 'Oriental Cravings' if i'm not mistaken. It's the one next to the GAP shop. :)

A Temp in KL

2009-06-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

After many days of keeping myself at home i've finally landed myself as a temp in my aunty's office here in Mont Kiara. I'll be working for a week over here before going back to Sban. I'm still not sure if coming to work over here is a good idea (since every1 kept telling me that there's tonnes of work to do over here and you have to get them done fast!) but for the last few hours - everything's been smooth for me so far. Had an outing wit N and F yesterday and they mentioned if we should continue wit our buffet at the hilton since i blew the whole thing off earlier.. Well guys, if my pay is sufficient for me to indulge then i might consider it.. But dun keep your hopes too high though :)

Heading to Sarawak

2009-05-12T02:07:00.000-07:00

Well actually the big day's tmr but since i wont be taking my laptop along wit me so i figured might as well i write it now then another one after the one-week trip. Today my roommate came over to sban and will be staying over night here. We will be taking the ktm to the nilai station then transit the shuttle bus to LCCT. That's wat my dad told me but i'm not sure whether they have the shuttle bus or not.. So if any1 has any idea pls let me know asap. As weird as it sounds but i'm completely clueless of what's nice to eat over here in sban... The only delicacy that we have is the seremban siew pau and my fren's probably over it since i bought it back to malacca for so many times already. Other than the sban siew pau, the beef noodle is not bad as well. At least that's what i thought cause that's one of my favourite dish in town. Well, besides that we have the pork porridge in Temiang which is not bad as well. I did asked for my dad's opinion and he suggested hakka noodle. Although i like it, but, given the current weather i dun think i'd like to go there-there's no air con, the shop is open air but it's very stuffy inside and one of the reason why my dad suggested it so that my fren will be able to see the owner couple fight wit each other while preparing the dish. Besides these, we do have the fish head noodle but that would be over in Segamat which is quite far frm my house (apparently there's a better one in AST according to my fren.). Anyway, i thought of many place to go but in the end we end up going to jusco to have our lunch in Ichiban together with Shin Yi... Fortunately for me i've jus finished packing and now only left the petty stuff that's yet to be pack. Hopefully this trip will be exciting :)

Lesson Learned

2009-05-08T00:52:00.001-07:00

After the last few days incident, i really dun know what to do or should i say i dun know how to face my parents and my 'brother' now. I have to admit that i really did not expect them to treat me this way but heck what do u expect when your mum feels that your elder brother is her golden child right? So, i jus have to accept my own fate and get over it. For those of you who have seen the previous blog before this, well, i've deleted it. It's too selfish of me to be trashing my own family with a blog. From what i've learned today, after the half-an-hour long lecturing from my friend. I have to admit that i've been really soft on everything. Maybe it's time that i learned how to stand up for myself instead of jus relying on every1 else. Although this might take a while but hopefully i'm able to grow out of the shell that i've been hiding in all these years.

Honestly

2009-05-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it really makes me wonder did i really did something bad that the god have to punish me with all the bad things that's ever happened in my life.. I don't recall doing anything bad or hurtful to any1 in my life (except maybe those petty stuffs..) and if i really did dun u think that i've suffered enough for it already? Life as i have seen from today is not hard. It's god damn F***ing hard and let me tell u.. It's most hard when u found out that u cant really trust the people that u've been calling family for 22 years. Yes. 22 god damn years and this is what i get.. So much for being a family huh? Seriously, what the hell did i do that i have to be treated this way? Don't i deserve to have some peace of my own? Haven't i suffered enough for this already? What i actually found out today is that your close friends is sometimes you can actually call family. I don't know about you guys out there but i'm actually real grateful that i'm able to find close friends that will always be there for me when i'm in trouble or when i'm feeling down (although they sometimes makes me feel like i'm nothing but a dumbshit... but that's ok.. I can get past that..). And here i'd like to clarify that forget about those shitty phrase that your family is better than your friends.. From what i saw-some of my family are actually worst than my friends.. So i hope whoever that came up with that phrase can eat their own words and rot in hell. OH yes.. For those of you who've been treating me bad.. YES.. YOU... You can join and rot in hell as well.. May the GOD DAMN YOU. :)

The Ever-So-Long Break

2009-05-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that i would be so darn boring when you're having your semester break huh? Long before the semester break every1 was so excited that they are finally getting their deserved rest at last.. Who knows it turns out that it's more than they thought. At least that's what i'm feeling now.. I have to cramped up inside my room and do a series-marathon (learned from F and N) everyday plus the occasional PS2.. Seriously, can it be any lamer? Anyway, i've been telling myself to work on that resume for my coming LI. Unfortunately for me, it's been two weeks now since my semester break started and i have not started anything yet let alone looking for the appropriate jobs.. Anyway, this reminded me that i did said that i was going to jog during this semester break to lose the excess wieght.. Guess this doesn't work out as well.. SIGH

My long-deserved holiday..

2009-04-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

Alright it's been a while since i last came over to write something here and i guess it's time to continue doing it now since the semester break started!!! The last few weeks have been the most intense week that i've ever been in my whole varsity life. Before this it was al relaxation during the finals.. Unfortunately, the time has come on to me to compensate for all those relaxation. This semester saw me taking up 7 subs and 2 out of the 7 requires no final. Sounds easy huh? Who would have thought that i'd be more busy without the finals?? No wonder they invented the phrase - 'Nothing is EASY'.. Now i know why.. For the past few weeks i had been working on this group file for my PDD which stands for Product Design and Development. Well, the work is simple. Jus come up with an idea of a product that you wished to develop and all the expenses are being taken cared of.. At first we thought i would be an easy process since we are only required to produce a tangible product. But, we did not know that there are tonnes of paperwork to be done and i was only able to finish it two days before my semester break starts. Well, that's not the worst part yet. I had to study my every paper at the last minute. Last minute as in the day before the actual paper. It seems that it's only miracle i'll be able to get a good pointer for this semester.. Anyways, the past is the past and now i'm finally able to relax my mind for AWHILE. Yup, i have to start doing my resume and be on the look out for companies for my LI - Industrial Training. Looks like the days of the giddyness and headaches will be on me in no time..

Deeeeeeee - stress

2009-04-11T05:21:00.002-07:00

So there's been sleepless nights for the past 2 weeks and now it has taken its toll on me.. My balancing system is not that balanced anymore (this phrase do ssound a bit weird to my ears..).. I've been feeling giddy for the past few weeks that i felt like fainting at times.. well, all these really have to thank myself for rushing all the assignments and projects in the last minute.. been telling myself since the beginning of the semester that whatever important have to be done ASAP. unfortunately, my instinct jus wont succumb to it. Instead it jus lingers elsewhere and i cant find the mood to finish off watever's at hand.. even for now i'm supposed to be studying for my etnic relation, but, the book is all letters and it makes my head spins around whenever i'm looking at it.. How am i ever going to finish studying this subs?? had a chat wit nic earlier and he wen on to show me the pics taken during his bday celebration in the chilis'. looking at the pics got me thinking how come i was not able to celebrate wit him.. oh ya.. i remembered.. that's because i'm stuck with all these damn projects and assignments and tests!!!! now i'm back in my hometown and i'm still stuck with studying for next week's finals.. seriously, can any1 come help me destress??? i'm in desperate need for it..

Is it a mistake?

2009-03-23T11:41:00.001-07:00

After getting on the lighter tone for the previous posts earlier, i've decided to write one on the feelings that i've had these few days. Although last weeks have been a relaxing getaway for me, but still, the feeling of guilt still comes to haunt me now and then. Do u ever feel guilty after u've done/committed something that u're not supposed to but u do it anyway? U knew that something is wrong but you still do it anyway and in the end there's no one to blame for it cause everything will sums up to your own fault.. At least that's what i felt at the moment. It seems that everything i've done lately has come around and got me thinking whether have I done something that i shouldn't have?

Trip to Taiping and Penang

2009-03-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

Whenever i get the mood to write a new post i was unable to find the time to do so. Finally, the right time has come and i'm going to flasback on the wildest weekend that i've ever had in these past few weeks. Judging from the title of this post, some of u might ask that what's so exciting over there in taiping. Well, literally it wasn't that exciting over here but i had fun all the same. The fun that i was referring to was the food that i had over here. Over the years, i've been coming to taiping for the chinese celebration - 'Ching Ming' ( i dun know the exact phrase for it but that's wat we call it unless u wan to hear my mum version and she calls it 'ching bing' - i dun know y so dun bother to ask anyway..). Although the food over here are just mediocre, but, it was also the most fulfilling moment for me. I was basically eating the whole time and i've lost count on wat i've consumed on the two days that i've stayed over there. Unfortunately, the only vivid memory that i have was the dinner that i purposely drove all the way to Tambun (which is jus an hour drive from taiping) to have. My friend has introduced to me that they have the best seafoood over there and so my family had decided to give it a try over there. Instead of the wondeful servings that we were promised, the dish that were served to us did not impress us much. In fact, the ones that we have over in PD was way better that those that we had over here..

The restaurant itself

The only dish that's nice out of the five that we had....

I actually hurt my throat will eating this and found out about it when i'm back at home...

Along the way to taiping...

After taiping, we moved on on our journey up north to arrive in penang. And so the parade of eating for me has begun the moment i stepped out of the car. No wonder i've put on so much weight ever since i came back. They dun call penang The Pearl of Orient for nothing apparently.. HAHA.. To me penang has always been the food paradise ( the price was a bit overwhelming though..)

Arriving to penang on the penang bridge (i was only able to capture this still as i was not able to get a clear view of the whole bridge.)..

The soon-to-be open penang Times Square:

The food parade over at Gurney Drives..

The hotel that i stayed in - The Sunway Hotel (we purposely picked this one bcoz there's hawkers stall jus outside the hotel at night!!! YUM YUM!)

My crazy sisters by the pool side. They've been gushing about it so i figured why not take a pic of it ( the pool was only normal, nothing out of the ordinary..)

Seoul Garden

2009-03-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

This is the one place that i really enjoyed steamboat-ing in.. At least it has the vibe to it and the food that they have over there is kinda nice. The set up for this restaurant it okay with the vibrant colors around the walls and a few parlours for the food and drinks. What's more - students and those with student cards get to have discount!! As usual, good things dun come easy and there's term and condition for this discount and it is only applicable during the weekdays and it's frm 11 till evening. So, for those who are interested u have better got to time well before going.. Wouldn't wan to miss out on the discounts! HAHA.. Anyways, i still remember the first time i heard about this restaurant was when my roommate told me that there's a korean steamboat around town. As u've would have thought, my first impression was that it's a restaurant by the streets and the way they described it does not at all sounds like what i've seen in person. Well, this was way back in last year when i was still in the first semester of my second year in the varsity. The price was okay and the ambient in the restaurant really sets u in the mood to open up your appetite.

I was only able to capture the image of the drinks parlour as the food department was too near to the reception and i'm worried that i might get caught :)

The stove was placed in the middle of the table giving u the good ol' korea feel to the steamboat

Finally, my friends that i wen together:

Wednesday 11-March-2009

2009-03-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

Now i'm sitting right by the window jus staring at the gloomy sky with the thundering sound signaling that it's gonna rain anytime soon. I really hope that it's going to rain soon so that i can have a clearer mind on what's been going on these few days. What been really going on?? I can't even explain it for myself. It might be the stress of all the projects ans assignments. All i know is lately i've been having a lot of disagreements with the people around me. Family, friends u name it.. Sitting here, i'm supposed to be getting on the report that needs to be handed up in a few days but staring at the sky gave me the sudden urge to jus write out all the feelings that i have in my heart at this moment. Truth be told, i've been fighting with one of my roommates these few days. Honestly, i'm not going to lie about it but it's been awhile since he gave me the impression to start having second thoughts of him being my friend. Not that i dun like him being my friend, but, all the actions and decisions that he's made really opened up my mind and really slapped me back into reality and making me thinking straight. Although i know that we're supposed to forgive and forget, but, sometimes it's easier to said than done. When a gap exists in a relationship, there's really nothing u can do to patch it up that easy and it really takes time. Sometimes even longer. Sometimes u might even think that how come some1 like this will make u feel this way and makes u do all the things that u've done. Sitting here and having a blank mind now, i really dun know what to do.. Sometimes life is hard and it's really hard when u know that u're all alone in this journey that u're taking. But sometimes, when life is that hard u might actually like to have some time alone to urself without any1 to interfere. Life is also damn hard when u're down and u get all kinds of caring that u dun know which one is sincere and which is not. For those of u who were there for me, i feel u. All i can say now is, feeling is jus a real confusing thing. It has to make u feel all twisted inside and let u mend ur own hurt on ur own.. Unfortunately, it is also one of the necessity that u need to move on with your life..

FINALLY!!!

2009-03-06T09:52:00.001-08:00

Frankly speaking today has to be the happiest day of my life in these stressful months. Besides coming back home, i finally got to change my phone! Phew. The first word that actually came out of my mouth was F-I-N-A-L-L-Y. After longing for so long to change a new phone, my prayers are finally heard. I had long done surveys on all the phones that i'm interested on way back before i was going to change a new 1. Come to think of it, i can actually make a list of it and the list will just go all the way down. One of my close friends once told me that once i found one that i like i shud jus keep to it instead of comparing with other models. Unfortunately, given the circumstances i was not able to get the phone that i wanted and so all i can do is to jus keep an eye out on the phone that might actually catch my eye. And so, the long awaited day has finally arrived for me. At first i wanted the sony ericsson C902, unfortunately, it was way over my budget so i had to choose another one that actually fits my budget. And then there was W595.

The transition from Motorola E398 to W595:

Motorola 398

Sony Ericsson W595

P/s: Other then getting a new phone, i was quite happy today when i came about the blog written by one of my uni frens. She actually described that she was very happy to have me and my other fren as her coursemate cum crazy friends.

That's just me..

2009-03-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

Have u ever had friends who asked u how come u never care about them when they're being sad or when they're in need of help? I'd like to clarify here that i'm not a heartless person. I do know how it felt when u're sad and alone and there's no one there for u, but, i'm also that kinda person that does not convey my feelings openly. Sometimes i can be real crazy and up to the hype when i'm really in the mood with the right company. Sometimes i can be real quiet and really just wan to be alone an just relax. So, some might say that i'm a weirdo but hey that's just be and there's nothing that i'm going to change about it. Also, i dun like people to be 'poh poh ma ma' 1. If u got anything to say, then, just say it. It's not like i'm going to eat u or something. U do not have to purposely go around the corner to come to the point. U can just tell me up front of what u felt and just get to the point. Sometimes, if i offended u in anyways i would really appreciate it if u tell it to my face. It's better that way cause i would never know when i've offended some1 and for those of u who knows me - i rarely apologise to any1 unless i really felt that i've done something really bad. So, hopefully every1can tolerate all these about me and not trying hard to force me to change the way that i am.. THAT'S JUST ME...

The Vast Blue Sky

2009-03-02T06:52:00.001-08:00

Tennis tournament was just around the corner, therefore, my classmate decided to polish my tennis skills with me. Well, i have to admit that after days and weeks of practicing i just cant quite master the techniques of tennis yet.. As one of my friend once said - u have to be an athlete to be able to play like an athlete. So, i guess i'm not an athletic kinda person as i still have a long way to go before i can finally play like an amateur player. Although i kept on telling myself that there's no way that i will be able to play well before the tournament, but, my fren kept on telling me that i'm better than the last time and with a few more practice i will be able to play well.. Unfortunately, instead of focussing on improving my skills my mind actually sways to somewhere else and for a moment i jus lied down on the floor and jus stare at the sky. Staring at the sky made me wonder wouldn't it be an nostalgic feeling to be able to be up on the sky with the clouds floating all around me and be able to see the sunset and sunrise and be away from all the hecticness and worries in my life and especially to be able to be away from this weary world. Being a loyal fan of science fiction, my fren always told me that i'm a weird person as i'm the only one in my circle of friends who reads about sci-fi and most especially interested on subjects related to dragons. The dragons somehow appeals to me as something that is powerful and extraordinary. Anyways, looking at the sky it made me reflect on the life that i'm in right now. Lately, there are choices that i'd like to take but was unable to while there were those where i've chosen but regretted choosing it in the end. Staring at the sky it also made me think that the world is so big that i'm just a little organism staying on top of its surface. So, come to think of it all the problems and worries that i have and might face in the future is small considered with all the troubles that the other part in the world might be facing..

Friends

2009-02-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

I was in and about this morning at my aunt's house to help her with her chores again. After staying up late last night i really lose all the strength to just walk about for another minute, so, what i did was i pulled up a chair and sat in front of her working table. There were stacks of books on top of the table and out of curiosity i flipped thru each exercise books. There were many pages of essays written waiting to be marked / inspected until I saw there was one piece with the title F-R-I-E-N-D. It was this essay that actually prompted me to write this post. Lately, there's been a lot going on with my friend's issues and honestly most of them are ugly. Only a few ones are worth reminisced with. So, what defines friend?? After so many years of be-friending so many people i still dun have a clue on the real definition of friends. Are they the ones who will abandon u cause they're are jealous when they saw u're being close with other friends or are they the ones who will be there for u when u're in need of help? My mom always said that at the end of the day we'll know if the people around us really is our friend when we are in desperate need of help. So far i've had friends who been treating me well all these years. They were the ones who i can actually turn to when i really need some company. They were there when i need some1's advice. They were there when i need some1 to accompany when i'm down. They were there to listen when i've got so much in me that i'd like to let it out. They were there when i left something behind and helped me to pick it up and they were there especially when i need to really just go out and have some comfort food. For me, this kinda friends are just the ones i need to be in a part of my life now..

One of my crazy F6 Friends:

UTeM friends:

And Finally my bestest and closest FRIEND:

One of these days..

2009-02-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

I dun know why but i jus had a sudden knack to use 'one of these days' as the title of this post. Though as dull as it may sound, but, they actually reflect where i am at this point of my life. I know these few words is kinda big for a 22 year-old-going-to-be to say, haven even legally pass the mark yet and yet i felt like so many things have been going on as if i've lived my life for thousands of years. So many things have been going on for the past few days and i felt like i'm on a roller coaster ride without a stop button for me to push. U can say that this blog is a cry of tiredness from an undergraduate or anything u like but all i can say is that i'm beginning to feel that i'm going to lose it in my life.. Right now?? I'm still hoping that maybe one day or some day that there will be a hope that i can hang on to so that i can support myself..

Sit Back N Relax!

2009-02-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

The last week was the most hectic week that i had in my entire life! First there was 2 proposal on my hand which i need to submit by the end of friday. Then, there's 2 more reports that i need to come up with which subsequently needs me to submit on the next day and then there's another assignment where i need to come up with four ideas for a product not to mention a test on last monday night. Hmm.. Not bad for a week after all the fun i had for chinese new year huh?

At least now everything is back to normal for the time being. I dun have to rush my butt off in rushing to come up with something which i need to submit the next day.. The most serious letdown that i had for last week is definitely the test that i had on monday night. Well, u cant say that i did not study for the test. I did and personally i think i was okay on it. I paid attention while i was in the class and in the end?? All the questions in the paper were like aliens to me.. It seemed as if i jus saw them for the first time and i was only able to answer few questions of it.

As if the situation is not bad enuf for me, one of the lecturer have to suspect that i was copying answer from my friend who is sitting next to me. Unfortunately for him, there was no any proof that we were 'toyol-ing' (as they would say in Malay..) where he could jus grab our paper and left a big O on top of the paper. Serves him right anyway. Only after a few dunb minutes standing behind me was he ready to go away. It was alread predicted that i wont do well in this paper when i first sat for the paper the first few minutes.

If u thought that after the test everything will be alright for me then u thought wrong.. Apparently there are tonnes of work waiting there at the corner for me to complete them and what a hell of a week it has been. First there's the proposal that i mentioned earlier then there's the never ending report that the lecturers kept shoving in my direction. Anyway, in the end as usual, an undergraduate also manages to finish their assigned work on time so it's all good. At least now i'm back at home and am finally able to relax before going off into the hectic lifestyle again..

Taken during the hecticness:

A Fulfilling CNY

2009-02-01T05:22:00.000-08:00

I have to say this CNY happens to be the most 'FULFILLING' one for me.. When i say fulfilling i meant the food that i had throughout this CNY. Well, the angpau part was ok though i'm almost left with nothing now, but, i still had a great time this CNY. Almost from day 1 i've been eating till today.. So basically i've put on weight when i'm back in sban for one week. When ever i'm over at relatives house i'll be eating off the biscuits and the drinks. Then there was the gathering with shin they all.. That almost add up to the expenses which i can spend for the whole week back in malacca.. Today i had brunch with N and F over at royal bintang.. Finally the 3 of us can gather and have lunch together like we USED to.. I was enjoying myself during the whole course of the meal and it was really really relaxing when i'm with them.. It does feel good when you with te people u can get along with.. Hopefully we can do this more often in the future.. But N try to pick somewhere which is more cheaper next time.. My wallet is dying over here...

CNY 2009

2009-01-27T08:47:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year n Gong Hei Fatt Choi!!!! CNY is here and i'm ready to grab as much angpau as i can!! HAHA.. For this year's CNY i really dun have much to do.. unlike last time where i have to clean up my room and the house for the celebration. This time around i dun even have to move a finger as i'm not around the house. Well, i guess being an undergraduate is not bad afterall.. Heck u even get to get angpau for all this.. Not bad huh? Since 26th is the first day of CNY, so, i had my reunion dinner on the 25th. Surprisingly, my bro is back in town to join us for the dinner. I was a bit surprised at first, but, at least he's back (which means that he'll be around for quite some time.. there goes my private space for the room.. sigh..) This year's reunion dinner have to be the best one yet with all the chicken, roast duck, prawns and fish.. The only let down of this is the dinner list does not include 'Yee Sang'.. Which is one of my favourites during CNY. I have to admit though.. Eventhough it's CNY, but, the atmosphere jus dun feel like we're having CNY at all.. Jus the occasional exploding sound of the firecrackers and the lion dance to remind me that we're having CNY now.. Still, i'm feeling a bit bored for this CNY. Maybe it's becoz of the assignments and the test that i have to study for.. Who wouldn't lose their mood if they have to do all these during the CNY? I mean isn't CNY meant holiday??? The lecturers jus have to give u tonnes of things to do at times where u really got a chance to finally relax and makes u feel miserable. Anyway, it's CNY so its better if i dun spoil my mood jus yet.. So, the first day of CNY was celebrated in Malacca.. Yup.. I'm studying in Malacca and i have to celebrate CNY there.. How ironic is that?? Maybe i should consider moving there next.. WAIT.. I am moving there this coming July... Silly of me.. Coming to Malacca wasn't the best idea for me as there are actually some people that i prefer not to meet, but, given that i'll get red packets so i had to force myself to move my butt and get over it. Once there, it was not as bad as i thought.. Jus mediocre. Still feeling a bit bored. Today's the 2nd day of CNY so i'm hoping that things will be brighter for me in the remaining days of this joyous celebration. Hopefully many angpaus along the way too :)
Taken at the reunion dinner :

Noctiphobia

2009-01-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

It is 720 am now and the reason i'm waking this early is avoiding the demonstration against the violence of Israelis in Palestin. According to the sources, the personnel working in the hostel would go to each apartment to inspect whether we attend the demonstration or not. Hence, i'm here in McD this early in the morning writing this blog. Apparently, when i passed by the hallway below my hostel, they had this sheets posted up against the wall. It's written there about boy-cotting stuffs that are related to Israeli. Guess wat? McD and Arsenal was in the list. Okay... I know i'm dumb but i dun see any relations between this. Anyway, jus the night before this morning i did something really awkward n it has taken years for me to overcome this.. Yes. It's my phobia against the night. Not that i have phobia against the night jus that i have issues with the darkness at night. Well, u know CNY is jus ard the corner and it's getting a bit windy over here at AK (which is a good thing rather than the non-stop hot weather that Malacca is famous for..). So wat happened was the wind was kinda strong last night and coincidently i had my window open to let the flow of the wind thru. Who knows jus as i was about getting ready to go to bed the wind slam against the window sill n it was making those creaking sounds that u would hear in those old-creaked house n it really jus gave me the creeps. So, being afraid of the night all the time that sound just scared the hell out of me n i had to wake my roomate up just to accompany me until the other roomate was in bed. It was kinda safe to know that there's some1 there for u when u really needed some1 beside u at times like this. I know it's a bit weird for stuff like this coming out from a guy but heck sometimes a guy do feel this way. All this have to thank my friend for telling me those horror stories the other day. All those horror stories jus hyped me up and it really made me more afraid of the dark even more. Well, according to the net Noctiphobia meant fear of the night but they have other symptoms which confuses me. Anyways it is the most appropriate term for me right now coz afraid of the dark is wat i am..

The New 09'

2009-01-09T18:22:00.001-08:00

Before i start writing my first entry here, i have to admit that i din realize i actually had an account here way back in 2007. Before this it has always been blogging over at friendsters, but, now it seems blogspot is the latest IT spot in town. So, i guess i'll just give it a try. I have to say that it is kinda confusing at first though. Reminds me of the first time i started using Facebook. Well, we never know how it will turn out before giving it a try right? So now here i am writing a first new entry at blogspot. It's been a week since new year and a new year for new resolutions. Seriously? I never had any resolutions for any new year, but, given that i had a bad 08' last year i think maybe this year i'll get myself a new year's resolution afterall.. People often say that once we've reached a new year all our luck will change. But, so far mine doesn't seem to have changed. Maybe my luck wheel got rusty or something that's y there's no changes in it. So far there's only been going down hill for me this new year with a few problems with my family and a few struggling in my studies and juggling on my managements. So all i got to say is hopefully everything will change back to its course n the moment will be the better before CNY. Hopefully no more dramas to endure during the new year. Before i forgets i'd like to wish every1 a happy new year :)